Dear Jade,
I am doing well and at awe with the glory that
is India. Every aspect of this mesmerizing country amazes me be its people, the
place, the culture or the living. But what struck me the most were the roads,
for India with its roads provides you with an experience that no other country
can possibly compete with, not even our homeland New Zealand.
Indians are born with nerves of steel
and a blind sometimes paralyzing faith in the supreme power. The ease with
which an Indian nonchalantly crosses the road as a colourful unbalanced truck misses
him with a gap of a skin, shows his valour. India has two kinds of jungles, the
first being the real one and the other one being the concrete jungle. The
country rather brings out a whole new meaning to the term ‘concrete jungle’. A 2km
ride through the city behind my personal guide Mr Sharma, gave me a taste of the
domestic safari. It is much like the real Safari that you and I took in the forests
of Africa, the only difference being the swapping of wild animals with the
domestic stray ones. Jade, the Indian’s believe in protecting not only the
freedom of its plebeians but also that of its animals. As Mr. Sharma gave me an
overview of the city with the drive, I spotted a buffalo sun bathing in the
middle of the road while his lower half was being cooled by the muddy water of
the pothole it had made its temporary getaway. We drove past a herd of cows who
were grazing on the bushes which were grown I guess specially for their benefit
on the road dividers. As the donkeys seemed to be pondering on life altering
questions in the middle of the road, stray dogs were busy chasing piglets across
the National Highway. People drove through whatever place was left, making
random twists and jolts to escape the craters that I think were particularly
designed to give us all a true safari experience.
I wonder as to what keeps the Indians
away from and winning sports events like the ‘World Dirt Bike Championships’.
These men of steel with their nerve jittering escapades on the roads and their
mastery on the techniques of survival can give the riders from other countries
a run for their money. Jade, to drive in India requires skill which cannot be
taught but has to be passed down the generation lane through genes. You are
born an Indian rider, you never become one! There is but one rule that you need
to know before trying out the Indian roads, and that is ‘Just survive it’. The Indians
wince at the thought of using a helmet for not only does it hinder their highly
fashionable existence but also seems to be a direct spit on their gallantry.
Real soldiers don’t need body armour they say!
Jade, do you remember the first lesson
our parents taught us regarding the streets? The first rule of the streets is
that when you cross it you first look right, then left, then again right and
only then cross. Here in India such childish rules don’t apply. The mantra is
to just believe that no one will hit you dead and have pure faith in mankind! But
one thing I learnt is to drive atleast two metres away from the vehicle in
front, for you never know when the driver or the passenger would find the need
to build up their saliva and spit unannounced on the road, which sometimes the
air carries towards your face. A vehicle on Indian roads needs just a few
facilities apart from the basic engine. It only needs a steering equipment, a
brake, an accelerator, a horn and a suspension to protect your spine. According
to me there is absolutely no need for an indicator at all for it is beautifully
replaced by striking out your arm a split second before taking a turn.
The Indians are so used to living in a
populated country that they know how to share the little things they manage to
get. This can even be seen on the roads. The number of people on a motorcycle
or inside a car exceeds the actual weight of the vehicle itself, but such minor
details do not hinder a true Indian. I now know how the Indian soldiers are
able to perform the motorbike stunts I witnessed during the Independence Day
parade of the country this time. I am also sending you some pictures for your
enjoyment and understanding.
My love, I have to stop my letter
here for my time is limited in this truly intriguing country. But before I quit the pen, I must tell you
that we the people of New Zealand don’t know where our taxes have gone, but the
Indians know where their taxes have been used. Just one look at the glamorous
roads with its designed potholes is enough.
Thinking about
you,
Samuel.
The one during Independence Day... |
P.S- Yesterday happened to be the most embarrassing day of my life. My maid caught me butt naked as she came upstairs unannounced to clean my room. Also the weighing scale at the gym showed that I lost 2 kg's. My joy knew no bound until my father declared that the weighing scale was declared incorrect.
P.P.S- I want all my readers to make way for something healthy. Yes! I want you to include green tea in your diet. It tastes bitter but you do shed a few pounds :D
Image Courtesy- snagesh.com
See you too are asking to "spit it out"
ReplyDeleteis not tempting?
I dint get you :(
Delete"But one thing I learnt is to drive atleast two metres away from the vehicle in front, for you never know when the driver or the passenger would find the need to build up their saliva and spit unannounced on the road, which sometimes the air carries towards your face."
DeleteI hope this explains. :)
Hah got it :)
DeleteRed!!
ReplyDeletePlease write more often. Missed you.
Hilarious post. Loved it so so much.
In other news I have put on weight. :-(
Coincidentally I also have a maid story although not as interesting as yours. I got my maid sacked because I felt so uncomfortable by her mere presence. :P
Thanks love!! Well if weight can be put on...it can also be reduced. Trust me it's not tht hard :)
DeleteYou bet! When I travel all I see is my tax money scattered on the roads and people digging into it, causing pot holes.
ReplyDeleteAnd lets not even get started on the balancing act!! Phew, this country will never change.
Lovely post Red. A typical Red post ;)
balancing act..looooooooooooool. I dont know why they show it at the parade.. wht is so heroic in that act!!
DeleteWhat an excellent portrayal of the sad picture. :P
ReplyDeleteAnd good that you mentioned about the class of people who believe that it is their duty to embellish the roads by spitting at every nook and cranny.
hehehe my pleasure!! Thanku!!
DeleteGood post RH...One thing I cannot stand is the incessant honking..
ReplyDeleteP:S: Psst,Between you and me,does green tea work even if I don't work out.
ooooooooooh how on earth cud i forget to mention the honking part!!!!!!!
DeleteP.S- Well a little bit of balanced diet and 3 cups of green tea everyday, and sue me if u c no weight loss.
"sau mae se ninyanabbe beimaan...
ReplyDeletephir bhi mera bharat mahan"
:D:D:D
suddenly you become all gayab and then come up with an uporoar like
this !!!write more write more..i will also write only..
oooooo...your maid saw you in your birthday suit...??!!!
bwahahahaha...cuteness only molayy!!!
cheers!!
As I am typing this comment, my maid is sweeping nearby. So I wont laugh :P My birthday suit yessss :(((
Deletehehehe.. :P
ReplyDeletesuper... nice letter...
Thanku sirjee!!!!
Deletedoes it really work, OK i will drink I need to lose a lot of weight ..
ReplyDeleteand good ot see you back, you shud write often .. smiling is good for health too and your article sure make me smile :)
Bikram's
It worked for me...but then again I eat balanced food with few junky modifications :P. I used to work out too but the effect I got one i included green tea...acted as a catalyst to weight loss.
Deleteand I felt good to know that my posts have such an effect :)
hey welcome back Red!! Loved the post - and am a Delhi driver so you can imagine how well I connected with this one!! And btw - being in Fabindia has its bonuses - one of them is the Tulsi Tea in your pic - but does it really help weight loss? (hmmmmm....... )
ReplyDeleteDelhi driver??????????? RESPECT !!!!
DeleteI dint know this was of fab india..I think its organic india. I dint buy this from fab India outlet. and tulsi green tea has only 35% green tea in it. so i bought the other one which is full green tea. its taste bitter so once in a while I drink the tulsi one :) and yes it does help shedding weight. but dnt expect a miracle. have 3 cups daily. with a balanced diet.
As I always say....LOLarious!!!!!:-D
ReplyDeletehaha thanku :)
DeleteLong time, Red! :) Nice post, as usual...and yeah this reminded me of an incident when I was at Bangalore when a cow became a show stopper at a super busy narrow road...repeated honking did not even alter its poise or determination. Some locals were actually staring at us angrily as they considered the cow sacred and was even seen praying to it and closing eyes in worship. Okay so cow is God but please pray at the temple not on a road !
ReplyDeleteThanks for the tip about green tea ! Tell me who is NOT gonna try that...even Kareena Kapoor wants to lose weight !
heeheheheh!!! The cows are such a menace no!!! and ditto about the green tea!!!!
Deletehi
ReplyDeleteheyyy
Deletedear samuel,
ReplyDeletemy heart leaps with joy as i run my fingers over and over again your letter. and i cannot believe the simple effort you took to find an envelop thats looks so authentically tattered, wrinkled and worn. your attention to detail always wins my heart over.
while mama said you deserve a special award for your gallantry, dad is planning on sending his uniform from the bomb squad.
however, quite frankly, this letter still shocks me! when you returned from india three years ago, you said you would never go back again. and now that you have, perhaps you realise how passionate you are about wretched things, be that lovers or places.
i am overjoyed that your indian trip has rekindled the spark in our relationship. even as you asked me to always move on, i knew you wanted me to come back.
darling, as i mail this letter, i am hoping you will send that skinny little blonde you call your wife away. i am so touched today i wont let restraining orders and cops deter the course of our destiny!
stalkingly yours,
jade!
[inspired by rose, 2.5 men ;), btw thanks for stoppin by, good to have you back!]
hahaah Loved the comment...could be part of the post itself :D..
DeleteLove Rose right...hahaha epic stalker!!
LOOK WHO IS BACK, back again. i did not rea dthe post while commenting. good to see you back!
ReplyDeletelooool
Deletelol. and each state has it's own style of riding and driving ;)
ReplyDeletetrue tht!!!!
DeleteThe animals on the road reminded me of Russell Peter's show!
ReplyDeleteit did? I cant imagine how!!!
Delete"You are born an Indian rider, you never become one!" Epicness!!! very true..this post reminds of the precarious driving skills of KSRTC bus drivers.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, spitting on the roads as if its their birth right is just so ridiculous...
The roads are considered as a huuge spiting plate only!!
Delete"You are born an Indian rider, you never become one!" Epicness!!!
ReplyDeleteThis post reminds me of the precarious driving skills of KSRTC bus drivers :)
And yeah, spitting on the roads as if its their birth right is disgusting and ridiculous.
You said nothing about bikes and the way they jiggle their way through lanes like Messi does through the Real Madrid defenders. They know no rules. Its as if it's their baap ka road.
ReplyDeleteFunny post
Cheers
CRD
Blog updated
How could I forget :( Yes the dirty bikers and the kids that take the roads as a racing track!!
Delete..
ReplyDeleteSamuel seems to have been unfortunate to miss the experiences on a one-way street.
ReplyDelete"Just survive it" - Underlines the post.
And I'm curious. Any specific reason to pick New Zealand / New Zealanders?
hheeheh no particular reason a all!!!
DeleteNice Article dear .. good one ..
ReplyDeleteThankyou for sharing this one ..!!
:) Thanku for visiting
DeleteI share the pain when it comes to driving.argh..
ReplyDeleteLol its ok..She has what you have,Be glad it wasn't a servant. *runs*
BTW what's your new handle?I wasn't able to search you on twitter. - KhaaliBrain
We missed your posts and you. :)
heeheh I am gone again :/ I think I have some mental issues :P
DeleteI am on my way thr!!!!
ReplyDelete