Saturday 28 May 2011

Funeral Drama

Real life drama is true entertainment and sometimes it’s better than those trashy soaps that the idiot box injects you with. I will tell you something and I tell you this with the experiences that have come my way. Funeral is the best place these days to find the real life drama. Yes my reading idiots yes! Funeral it is.

Don’t believe me? Roll a JCB over your “I DON’T ATTEND FUNERALS” phobia and find time to attend one and you would rightfully agree.

Scene 1- Grief is in the air. The large courtyard is the venue for the disastrous occasion. Interestingly the family has found time to import orchids and white tulips to accessorize the venue. The casket protects the body of a wrinkled old man who seems disinterested in what’s happening around. Eyes closed and forced into a crisp black suit, hands folded clutching a cross. He just lies there and that’s his role. They made sure that his casket is made of rosewood. Status is important, though the man who left for his heavenly (subject to change) abode was despised dearly. The service is to start in five minutes.

Scene 2- The eldest daughter is not happy with the black boat necked black dress she got herself for the occasion. The younger son is perturbed with the fact that it’s the other son who gets to do the eulogy. The wife of the man in the leading role (the casket man) sits still. She hated him while he was alive but now realizes that when he left her with some peace, he made her a widow.

Scene 3- Neighbors, well-wishers, haters, envious but now relieved rivals, sly relatives pour in and take the seats. The ladies glance across the rows comparing the hats, the gowns, the lip colors. The men remain still while their mind acts like the judge deciding who would be the getting the biggest chunk of the dead old man's property.

Scene 4- The priest starts the service and reads out phrases from the Holy book. It is then followed by the most awaited EULOGY. The elder son makes his way gallantly towards the stage and clears his throat. His baritone echoes throughout the courtyard. Words like ‘Lord loved him more’, ‘he is still among us’, ‘he was a great father’ are part of the eulogy. His wife gives him THE LOOK and he knows that something is missing. His stern expression changes into an emotional heart breaking tear pouring one. His part is done and so he steps down. The choir in designer gowns starts singing ‘JESUS IS CALLING’, when a phone starts ringing barbarically. Jesus is truly calling I guess.

Scene 5- The service is over and the gathering turns noisy. The elder crowd discusses the property division. The women still cling on to the makeup stories. The husbands talk about business ventures. The widow sits near the casket reliving the past. She would miss him though he was not a good husband. Now she is dependent on the mercy of her three children. The priest is not happy with the gift he received for the service he rendered. More green notes are needed. The three children discuss about the funeral expense and finally decide that their mother the widow should also hand over her share.After all it was her husband too.

Scene 6- Fast forward. The service is over; the body rests deep in the soil. Happy that it is not a part of this masked world. Hell might be more genuine. A big black and white expensively framed photo of him is nailed to the front room wall. His story ends there.

P.S- This is not the story of every funeral. True emotions are a part of many but with the passage of time, relationships are just becoming word of mouth. Reality is turning bitter day by day.

Image courtesy-


  1. LOL... trust you to take something as somber as death and turn it into a riot=)
    Best/worst part? Every word is true- not the least bit exaggerated... What IS the world coming to?

    Had fun reading it, livened up my otherwise depressing afternoon...

  2. very true! This is indeed the story in many cases.. The children are more interested in property division, the visitors more interested in showing off.. Value of human life is decreasing.. Partly the reason for this is deeds of the person dying!

  3. @Priyanka- depressing afternoon eh? Good to know my post had some relieving effect :D
    Thankyou for following and the comment :)

    @maithili-it is mostly because of the deeds of the person dying...the values he injected in his family. But yes the modern world isn't all that emotionally attached...

  4. Ho Ho Ho! What a come-back after a holiday! I ROFL in that part where the cellphone rings and you said Jesus is truly calling!
    Nice to have you back!

  5. @Xeno- Hah its good to be back too. Happy that you liked the post :P

  6. You reminded me of Roland Barthes. He had written extensively about social performances. Funeral includes in his examples of such social performances.

  7. Why do I seem to draw words from the deep trenches of negativism and subjugation? They admire it as creativity, they seldom read between the lines. I am at loss.

    Blame it on modern life, or on the rat race we have lured ourselves into, but we are more selfish, more self centered or materialistic people, including my likes. :-|
    No, blame it on us.

    Nice post, and welcome back, how were the vacations?

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  8. OMG thats was amazing... every word is just so true :) loved it :)

  9. Redhanded! You are back with a bang! Hilarious but thought provoking post. Relationships simply rest in the lips and never touches hearts these days...

  10. HELLO!!! Welcum back!! Singapore epiddi? Hope u had a blast Red... do write bout it :D
    Nice 2 hv u back :)

    Awesum post :) n awesum selection of the least likely place as a source of fun - a funeral!!

    Loved the Jesus callin bit..the way ppl read the kind sounding eulogy with totally unkind thoughts in mind, the plastic relatives n the choice of the pic :)

    Try catchin up with the british version of "Death at a Funeral"..really gud movie :)

    Nice 2 hv u back, Red!!! :)

  11. @Anulal- I dont know about him. But since you mentioned i think i should check him out :). I wrote because i have seen this drama happening. thanks! :D

    @Blasphemous Aesthete- Negativism it is. You cant write the harsh realities of life in a crude and dry manner. it has no impact. Lol that's another harsh reality.Thanks for reading sir!:)My trip was just beautiful!

    @Chakoli- Heh thanks sweetheart.

    @Cloud Nine- True!Its all now a big facade!

    @R-A-J- HAHA romba nalla irakke! too many tamilians out thr!! well it was Singapore, Malaysia,Thailand nd Pattaya! Awesome as it sounds :P
    i have seen that movie..DEATH AT A FUNERAL...really good!
    nd yes its good to b back :D

  12. "... when a phone starts ringing barbarically. Jesus is truly calling I guess." LOL.
    A brilliant Sunday read.

  13. @nOtgogol- Lol i tried to be funny... happy it worked :P

    @rAGHU-yes SIR!!! I AM BACK!! :D

  14. dude not cool ....!!
    mocking the arrogance of status among they society even in the death is nto wrong but it cud have been handled more delicately ......
    not tat i cud a do a bettr job at tat .. i wud have probably done even worse writtin bout these things but then tats y don coz u can hurt sumone sumday ..

  15. @ Amnn- Again its all about perception. The way you see it and the way you take it. I wasn't mocking anyone but just bringing in a funny way what actually happens and none of this is made up. Not a bit exaggerated. Don't you think so? nd if i try to refrain from writing what i feel just because i can hurt someone then why blog. :)

    i even left a PS for them who get hurt, though it wasn't soothing enough.

  16. Very well written post... You have explained an 'emotional' issue in a humorous way... and all with a proper and apt meaning !! Great work !! :)

  17. yaa actually i think may be u r right if we dont speak out our mind on our blog ,,,then bloggin doesn makes sense ..!!

  18. @Binu Thomas- I am happy you noticed! Thankyou!! :)
    @Prateek-Grateful! :)

    @Amnn- But like you said i will be careful next time :)

  19. Nice satire.In India too, the story is no different with people coming to pay respect to the departed soul but end up gossiping about family relations, fights between them or some thing else. Some feel happy about the departure and some make faces to show how grieved they are!

  20. @ S.R.Ayyangar- you are so right!! Its all about gossiping now. Thankyou for commenting :)

  21. Nice post.. lol we can see the real drama with in the family members than from the enemies of the deceased!!

  22. Your comment felt like prickly heat powder on this sunny day. Its a compliment. Thankyou!

  23. umm.. I dont know, kind of disliked the post. Sounds more like that trashy soap that the idiot box injects. Sorry, if rude but I feel funeral ain't really a good place for pouring in pun.. Death, is the only truth of life and the longing after that, a feeling writer or poets can't do a justice with..


  24. @aakash- You are the few good souls who give importance and honest emotions when someone dies. This isnt the case these days at least not the ones i have come across. I wish people did feel like you did. i really hope so.

  25. This reminded me of a funeral I attended when I wad 16. Nice post =)

  26. usual your writings are so nice :) ..Finally i drop in and am happy to read the first late post(read late from my side :P )
    The two best parts up there were
    "the man who left for his heavenly (subject to change) abode" and
    " The choir in designer gowns starts singing ‘JESUS IS CALLING’, when a phone starts ringing barbarically"
    Keep amusing :D !

  27. @Psychopneuma- THANKYOU YET ONE MORE TIME :D
    @Alcina- Thankyou miss!! :P

  28. Very funny. If you had taken up a wedding you could have gone wild with humour.
    But you did succeed putting some funny lines in a very serious affair


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