NO MORE

Today he hit me on my spine. A blow right on the cords with his leather belt. One turning into two and then I stopped counting as agony blinded me. I hugged myself as I lay near the fireplace weeping silently while he sat on the couch tired, devotedly staring at the ice- cubes in his peg of whisky. Next day as I got back after dropping my son to the school, I smelled fresh flowers. He was standing there with a smile and hugged me while he apologized for being a sadist. He had handpicked Red roses for me, my favourite. I timidly smiled and kissed him and told him I loved him.

Today he kicked me on my waist. I was like a slave for him as I begged for mercy. I tried to crawl under the table but he dragged me out by holding my hair. He cursed me as I tried to free myself and laughed when I gave up the fight. I couldn’t get up the next day as I lay on bed hugging my sleeping son. He came with flowers and tears in his eyes. One more apology. I looked at my baby and then looked at him. I forgave him yet again and hugged him to sleep.

Today I woke up to an unbearable pain. I saw him burning my skin with his cigarette. I tried to scream but he stuffed his dirty sock in my mouth and shifted his heavy weight on me. He continued smoking and then touching the burning end to my neck and my cheeks. I somehow pushed him away and ran as tears made their way through the burns. He caught hold of my neck and took the brass flowerpot and started hitting me on my head. Blood sprayed out and my eyes remained wide open as I watched him hitting me endlessly.

Next day I was at peace. The pain was no more but the heart still wept. Even today I got my flowers. The red roses smelling their very best, possibly singing me a lullaby. This time it wasn’t him but my son keeping those roses on me as I lay still in my coffin. His father was behind the bars now, where the beast belongs. His mother was a weak woman but I hope he forgives me one day for leaving him alone.

P.S- Inspired by true incident.
Image Courtesy- jacksanfernandes.com

GOOD GIRL GONE BAD

5 yrs back-

The two kids have cemented themselves on the back seat, both trying to count the number of black cars that pass by. The mother as always is the one in charge and is beating the driving Dad’s eardrums with the ‘THINGS TO BE BOUGHT’ list. The elder of the two kids, the daughter, is the reason behind the list and the mother’s unnatural nervousness and sudden blood-pressure tweak. She continues to gaze outside the window unperturbed and quiet excited about the new twist she will have in her neat life soon. Suddenly her thoughts are wiped off by her mother’s high pitched voice.

Amma- Look Look! Look at that boy and girl talking to each other outside girls hostel at 9pm. Tch Tch! Anicheta, where is this generation headed to? Look at them! What will her Amma go through if she sees her daughter with a boy at this time?

Papa- Latha! Good kids will not do anything like this. Their Amma Appa sent them here to study. Poor them! Hmm!

Amma- Look at that boy’s jeans. If a wind blows, it will fall down and look at that potti girl, playing with her hair and giggling!

Papa- Leave it now! We have taught our kids better. They will not do anything of this sort. Our girl is going so far from us, but she will always know her roots. Alle Mole?

The (anything to impress) Daughter- Oh yes Papa! Strictly studying!

Today

She looks back at the five years that have gone by and sulks when she remembers the conversation she had with her Amma Appa that night in the car. She came so far from home, strictly for studying as she promised, but now studying was the last thing she did. How many times has she sneaked out of hostel to go to pubs and lounge with her friends? How she the convent product, is now free to talk about anything with the guys? Hasn’t she tried out cigarettes, alcohol and hookah? Hasn’t she even made a boyfriend? Hasn’t she spoken to him late nights and even giggled and played with her hair, just like the other girl? Hasn’t her entire personality changed in those 5 years?

She shudders, but then the other side of her brain consoles her with illogical words. When she looks back, she is happy because she hasn’t done anything which she is personally guilty of. If bad things happened, it just made her stronger and she never repents. She isn’t into drugs, nor drinks, nor smokes. She hasn’t jumped hostel walls for ugly purposes and the lounge and pub with her girlfriends just felt right to her. Falling in love wasn’t predicted by her and nor could she control it. You grow up and change and sometimes you forget to tell your parents about that. Can’t blame them if they don’t understand, because for them, she is still their pinafore clad school going girl. She smiles, because her principles and her roots are still going strong.

           

ON BEING FAT

So, I have been putting on weight and when I say it, I mean it. I am dead sure that the world is conspiring against me because I suspect that even drinking water is making me grow in degrees. Fine!! I have been hogging a lot and I blame it on the stale hostel food (read crap). I cannot forbid my mind from being fickle and I cannot make myself diet. I am not the kind who screams on seeing flab maybe because I have got well versed with its existence! I tell you something and I am telling you this after decades of experience. Ok! Not decade but years. Being fat or chubby isn’t all that bad. Offcourse you curse the mirror in the trial room, make yourself believe that it’s the cloth that has shrunk and even start wearing black to camouflage, but still it has some very good effects on you too. Santa Claus was/is fat and he still manages to slide down the chimneys. So here are the top five benefits of being chubby.

1)      Natural Armour- Yes sir!! You will be the last person to get killed in a sword or dagger fight or even a stampede. Your fat will prevent the weapon from reaching your vital organs and thus adds some years more to your chunky existence. During a stampede when people manage to climb the hill (You), you will survive it like a warrior. Your fat just takes the form of a cushion guarding your insides. In case you have a car accident, your tummy tyres would become your own personal airbag!

2)      Never the one missing- You will be the last person missing from your group. No one will ever say ‘Hey have you seen him/her?’. You can be easily detected anywhere you go. In other words, you will never be forgotten. Your existence can be traced out even if there are hundreds of homosapiens around you. 

3)      First served- You are given V.I.P treatment at the eating joints. Your food is served first, with extra toppings and if lucky enough, even a complimentary. Even if your lean friend gorges thrice your eating capacity, still it is you who is the princess and it is you my love you gets the second, third, fourth serving. 

4)      Brand New Outlook - Since you are at risk of getting yourself killed due to every other disease known to mankind. Since your dinosaur of a waistline makes you prone to heart-attacks, blood pressure and even diabetes, you look at life with exhilaration. You live everyday as if its your last and the world seems like a big warm Donut dipped in chocolate sauce. You keep hogging and being your lazy self, yet treasuring it all in your belly.

5)      Reserved Seat- You are never the one who is forced to share a seat. While the anorexic concave cheeked friends of yours have to manage with two posteriors in a seat, you get to relax and have one just for yourself. 

Whom am I kidding??!! If any of you actually fell for this imprudent list, I am deeply sorry to burst your bubble. There is nothing good about being fat, and I should beat the Lazy demon within me black and blue and put on those dusty running shoes. Procrastination is still running circles in my head!!!

P.S- I am planets away from being PRECIOUS. (Refer to the image below i.e if she manages to fit in the page)

Image courtesy- dbxforums.com

GAME OVER

I feel like a commodity. A commodity owned by a shopkeeper who is eager to get rid of it. Actually, I am being treated as an article of trade. I know I am using rather harsh words but if you are my age and a girl and above all a Malayalee girl (it’s the frigging cherry on the cake), you would feel it too.

Last weekend I attended a marriage ceremony. I mean who likes to attend marriages? They are just like funerals. No body actually gives a shit about the poor Donkey and the ugly Monkey getting hooked up with each other for life. Basically everyone is there for the food and to strike the obligation out from the list, the obligation which society forces you to fulfil. Maybe the parents are happy but then again, it could be the happiness of just fulfilling your duty as a parent and being able to stand proudly in front of the world as a complete family.

So again I feel like a commodity. You ask me why and I tell you why! My relatives from the Deep South are under a strong belief that the basic purpose of their lives is to dig out a groom for me at all the weddings I attend under societal pressure. My parents do not care and think that I have considerable time left before they should start the marathon chase for the perfect one. That means I have around 4 yrs tension free. But my relatives, some of whom I don’t even recollect being related to, are acting like brokers. This is what happens in almost all the weddings I attend in Kerala.

Fat Ammai- Mole!! Why are you wearing Shalwar Shoot?

Me- Ammai, it’s just that I got to know about the wedding two days back and why dress up so gaudy?

Fat Ammai- What is this Mole?! You are 22 and you don’t have a Sharee? A Kanjeevaram? Atleast a Kasavu? Tch tch.

Me- It’s not my marriage! And I don’t even know the couple who got married. I don’t know half the people here.

Fat Ammai- We are all one femali. Mole! Atleast you should have worn a Gold-chain.

Me- I am wearing such huge earrings!! Gold chains are so out of fashion.

Fat Ammai- Gold is Gold! You are a Malayalee. Look at your bare neck. Also look at your hair. Why no oil? Remove the specs Mole!

Me- Fine! Next marriage I will come exactly as you want Ammai. Today let it be.

Fat Ammai- Che che che! What is this?! The beautician of the bride is still here. She will bootify your face! The wedding photographer is here too. I will make him click some full size photo of yours.

Me- What? Why? Why would you do such a thing?

Fat Ammai- You are getting old Mole! It’s our duty! Also I will post a photo to your Amma! She will be so happy.

Yes, this is what happens with me! I am pissed off with my relatives! You cannot say a word against them because you too are under the shackles of Indian Courtesy and Respect. The entire wedding reception goes on with my relative holding my hand and dragging me across the Pandal introducing me to random strange families. For some alien reason she does not tell them that I am a future LAWYER. Can anyone tell me why?

P.S- Priyanka! I will be taking the tag in the next post! I just that I want it to sound Intellectual enough. Work in progress! :D

P.S.S- I have joined twitter and you should know that I don’t like to talk to myself. So join up! You can see a follow up widget right below the Parental advisory image or just click HERE.

WHAT-THE-FUCK

 So I have been thinking a lot. I mean when your life is going nowhere and your college life is horrendously epic, you are left with nothing else to do than think. So I was thinking about some moments in my life which have made me actually go WHAT- THE-FUCK. Yes!! I mean you use the F word a hell lot these days, but some moments flash up and these miraculous three words just drive past your eyes in Brick bold letters. I remember a chosen few of those, and whether you like it or not, I am going to feed those to you (though I know the ultimate hammer whether to close this tab or just act like you read it and comment ‘NICE! HAHA’ is in your hands)

1WTF-The chubby school kid (Me), who always gets mysteriously sick during morning assembly on Monday, shows her puppy face this time too to the teacher, who falls for her MY-TUMMY-HURTS drama and allows her to go to class and relax. Thinking of the chocolates in her bag which she can now relish alone, the chubby kid runs to the class and opens the door. Our chubby kid stops, her jaw drops and she freezes. Since that day on our chubby kid has always attended morning assemblies. She had witnessed the first LIVE kiss of her life, between TWO GIRLS.

2WTF-The day the chubby kid’s Mommy, returned with a baby in her hands. On demanding for an answer regarding the whereabouts of the new kid in the house, the answer made the chubby kid confused and nauseous. The baby was in the tummy of her Mother for 9 mths and she never knew. This is the problem of having a mother who is naturally plum or maybe it’s the fault of the chubby kid, who was as dumb as a donkey.

3WTF- The chubby kid grew up hating her Grandfather. She hated the way he made the otherwise happy family chaotic. She hated the way he loved her brother more and how he made her Grandmom cry. Her existence was acknowledged only when she won singing competitions. She secretly cursed him sometimes. She wanted him to die. One day he passed away without the presence of his children and had just his wife near him. She had detested him, but she cried. She found out that she never actually hated him but just craved for his importance. She has never cried the way she did that day.

4WTF- The kid was no more a kid and joined college, far far away from home. A tomboy that she is, she didn’t believe in love or the whole heavenly feeling they declare it to be. She meets someone and she doesn’t try to define it because it baffles her. All she knows is she gets a tickling feeling when he is around and she blushes when he looks. She looks at the mirror these days. He got a haircut in her presence and the barber was brutal with his hair. Cut is real close to the scalp and he definitely looked like a monkey. But gosh why did he still look so frigging adorable to her as he waited for her verdict, biting his lips. She totally went WHAT- THE-FUCK.

5WTF- The chubby kid was always bullied at school. The girls from senior classes would pull her cheeks and her classmates used to call her ‘CAT’ because of her weirdly green eyes. For some reason the chubby kid, took it to heart every time they called her that and would go home weeping. Her parents who were heartbroken to see there kid crying everyday, took her to the doctor and enquired whether there is any treatment to change the colour of the eye. It was a WTF moment for the doctor and we were literally kicked out of the clinic.

6WTF- Happened today when the grown up chubby kid’s younger brother, who has just touched 14yrs of age, liked a facebook page which goes by the name ‘TRUE LOVE’. What torments her is not that her brother is ‘liking’ such pages, but the fact that he is studying in an All Boys School, and then liking this page.

PS- My roommate for four years just left hostel. So we went all crazy and dipped our   hands in UJALA and painted (read ruined) the white walls. Here is an image. The one in blue is me (like that helps :P)

PSS- a) Priyanka tagged me in on of her EPIC posts. The next post will be regarding that. Thank you my girl!

        b) I am pissed off bigtime! I am unhappy with myself. I made someone who really adores me, question  his trust and belief in me, and now I feel lonely and dumb.

        

        c)  I have lost it! So here is another image for you. Hangover 3

MEN MEN MEN

 Every woman has a long list of qualities and attributes she looks for in a man. But Love (read Shit) happens and the whole list thing no more exists. She adjusts with flaws of the one she loves and sees the imperfect man as perfect. But you cannot blame a woman for expecting and there are certain things which cannot be forsaken. Listed down are a few categories of men who are an instant Turn Off and are ardently avoided by the womenfolk.

1)  Mr.Poser- This guy lives in a delusional world. He claims to know it all and hates to hear a point which beats black and blue his pretence of being the knowledge pot. He hates it when you correct his mistakes, or contradict his concrete views. He is an egoistic nutcase who doesn’t have his wisdom to support him through the peril. A woman respects a man who is frank and honestly tells her if he has no clue about something, and above everything she appreciates it when a man allows a woman to question his views or correct him.

2)  Mr. Smug Alert- He is a self proclaimed Good Samaritan and a human corrector. This guy tries to change you from WHAT-YOU-ARE to WHAT-HE-WANTS. A woman likes to be wanted and cared about, but not to the point where a man tries to stick his nose into every little decision she makes. He doesn’t drink, so he forces his girl not to even sip a cocktail. He wants her thin and thus forbids her from quenching the thirst of her sweet tooth. She likes to dress trendy but he forces her into medieval traditions. A woman will do anything for the man she loves but she turns cold when her individuality is not valued by him.

3) Mr. Penny Saver- Having a count of the money you spend is an excellent quality. Keeping a check on one’s bank balance and spending the few bucks in the pocket wisely is great, but buying the woman you love as tiny a thing like a keychain and still telling her how much money you lost getting it, is plain cheap. A woman loves being pampered and being held close to her lover’s heart as the most prized possession of his. If she really loves you, she will never stop you from saving your money, and will always help you with the whole Budget aspect, but cheapness has no cure my love. It’s a big turn off even if the man has the face and body of a Greek God!

4)  Mr. Drooler- Beauty should be given its due recognition and I widely support it. But a man sitting with his girl and updating himself with the figures of the women passing by needs to be spanked hard. A man will behave like a man and like I said beauty deserves to be looked at, yet not to the point where it makes the woman he loves feel disgusted and unwanted. This whole thing includes flirting with her friends and bragging about his past conquests.

5)  Mr. Tear Bucket- A man is supposed to be strong atleast somewhat. Every woman wants a man who is self-confident and has a decent personality. She also admires it when her lover shares his feelings openly to her and is true to her. But sharing her bed with a man, who is almost a girl, is UGLY! A man who cries at the drop of a hat, needs encouragement for every small thing and is needy, sends the alarm ringing in the mind of his girl. Insecurity is not a good thing.

6) Mr. Spice-less- A stale and EVERYDAY-IS-THE-SAME type of relationships never last long. The men emerging from this category just don’t get the fact that a woman loves surprises. By saying surprises, I don’t mean taking her to the point where the whole city can be seen and then calling up the electricity board and bribing them to take away the power supply of the entire town except a few chosen homes so that it looks like I LOVE YOU to her from the top (like Shahrukh Khan did in Rab Ne Banadi Jodi) is just too dreamy, impractical and even creepy. Little things matter in life and we always forget to do them.

P.S- My mind is too lazy to craft out an apt title.Sorry!

Image Courtesy- cartoonstock.com
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