CAUGHT RED HANDED

Welcome to the Friday episode of the infamous "Caught Red Handed" news bulletin. Our special correspondent Miss Anuglyhead, has given us five breaking news which will shake the starry world of celebs and total fakeness. Without further adieu we direct you to our special correspondent. Miss Anuglyhead, the show is all yours now.

Ladies and Gentlemen, today I Miss.Anuglyhead is proud to bring to your notice five devastatingly tragicomic news from the world of Glam and Shame. If you do not believe me or the sources or the images, then kindly revert back to us with your own hypothesis, to which we may or may not serve you with an explanation.

Our top news for today is that BEYONCE IS COLORBLIND. Did anyone watch the singing sensation perform at the Macy's 4th of July Fireworks? The concert took place on Liberty Island and looked more spectacular against the backdrop of the Statue of Liberty. Beyonce went all Patriotic by performing ' GOD BLESS THE USA'  in front of a gigantic crowd. What caught my eyes was her attire for the concert. She wore a strapless floor length black gown and red and white necklace for her 2 song performance. Was she going for a funeral or the Fourth of July? And are the colors of the American flag RED, WHITE and BLACK? No Beyonce Darling, it is RED, WHITE, and BLUE. There is only one reasonable explanation for this happening and that is the poor lady is COLORBLIND.

The next breaking news is that PARIS HILTON WANTS TO BE THE PRESIDENT OF USA. The musical disaster is planning to run for the post of President. She is deeply unsatisfied with the state of the STATUE OF LIBERTY and promises her voters that she will make the Statue go all PINK and directs its makers to give it a BOOB JOB. But she lost the sentiments of many prospective voters, after she used the American Flag to wipe off the poop of her CHIHUAHUA.

Next up, BRITNEY SPEARS SUES A 12YR OLD KID for calling her a 'bad rash who refuses to go away'. In his defense the kid made the Hon'ble Judge hear the back to blond's not so new album ' HOLD IT AGAINST ME' after which the Judge decided that Miss Britney has to buy the kid a PS3. He also directed her to take dance and publicity stunt lessons from LADY GAGA.

LADY GAGA IS A SCIENTIST. In an interview with the fame monster, we asked her the meaning of the first few lines of her track 'BAD ROMANCE'. We questioned if it was some sort of an encryption or a code which only she could break. Miss GAGA took off her shades, looked left and right and whispered that she was a scientist, and had recently found out the perfect equation for a really bad romance. She wanted the world to have a piece of her discovery and that is why the song.  

(RA) 2 + (AH) 3 + ROMA (1+MA) + (GA) 2 OOH (LA) 2 = BAD ROMANCE

Rumour has it that this equation has been copied by GAGA, and originally belongs to the mastermind ALBERT EINSTEIN, who is no longer alive to bring a claim against the infringement. 

Hot from our ASIAN desk, recent reports that HIMESH RESHAMIYA IS INTO BESTIALITY, has been confirmed. The singer who made us think 'What is under that cap?' has been under great emotional stress lately. My secret reporter has just brought in that the love of his life who happens to be a HIMALAYAN WOLF, just dumped him after a life long relationship, a strong reason as to why we all are not getting enough of his ' OWWWWWWS'. Our deepest condolences to the howler.  

                                                                

That is all for today. Great Friday and take care.

 

P.S- I HOPE NOONE SUES ME. I am just bored beyond recognition. Also never ever try teaching your Grandparents how to send and receive SMS and never ever tell them about YOUTUBE. You have been warned !! Also i am too lazy to give the links of these images. Google is GOD!

Links referred

ON BEING FAT

So, I have been putting on weight and when I say it, I mean it. I am dead sure that the world is conspiring against me because I suspect that even drinking water is making me grow in degrees. Fine!! I have been hogging a lot and I blame it on the stale hostel food (read crap). I cannot forbid my mind from being fickle and I cannot make myself diet. I am not the kind who screams on seeing flab maybe because I have got well versed with its existence! I tell you something and I am telling you this after decades of experience. Ok! Not decade but years. Being fat or chubby isn’t all that bad. Offcourse you curse the mirror in the trial room, make yourself believe that it’s the cloth that has shrunk and even start wearing black to camouflage, but still it has some very good effects on you too. Santa Claus was/is fat and he still manages to slide down the chimneys. So here are the top five benefits of being chubby.

1)      Natural Armour- Yes sir!! You will be the last person to get killed in a sword or dagger fight or even a stampede. Your fat will prevent the weapon from reaching your vital organs and thus adds some years more to your chunky existence. During a stampede when people manage to climb the hill (You), you will survive it like a warrior. Your fat just takes the form of a cushion guarding your insides. In case you have a car accident, your tummy tyres would become your own personal airbag!

2)      Never the one missing- You will be the last person missing from your group. No one will ever say ‘Hey have you seen him/her?’. You can be easily detected anywhere you go. In other words, you will never be forgotten. Your existence can be traced out even if there are hundreds of homosapiens around you. 

3)      First served- You are given V.I.P treatment at the eating joints. Your food is served first, with extra toppings and if lucky enough, even a complimentary. Even if your lean friend gorges thrice your eating capacity, still it is you who is the princess and it is you my love you gets the second, third, fourth serving. 

4)      Brand New Outlook - Since you are at risk of getting yourself killed due to every other disease known to mankind. Since your dinosaur of a waistline makes you prone to heart-attacks, blood pressure and even diabetes, you look at life with exhilaration. You live everyday as if its your last and the world seems like a big warm Donut dipped in chocolate sauce. You keep hogging and being your lazy self, yet treasuring it all in your belly.

5)      Reserved Seat- You are never the one who is forced to share a seat. While the anorexic concave cheeked friends of yours have to manage with two posteriors in a seat, you get to relax and have one just for yourself. 

Whom am I kidding??!! If any of you actually fell for this imprudent list, I am deeply sorry to burst your bubble. There is nothing good about being fat, and I should beat the Lazy demon within me black and blue and put on those dusty running shoes. Procrastination is still running circles in my head!!!

P.S- I am planets away from being PRECIOUS. (Refer to the image below i.e if she manages to fit in the page)

Image courtesy- dbxforums.com