Monday 6 February 2012

The Case of the Annoying Tenant and the Missing Tree.

We are the epitome of what law abiding citizens should be. In India the term ‘law abiding citizen’ has a realistic definition to it. According to this definition, a law abiding citizen in India is that person who breaks the law given under the code and yet gets away with it by passing a bundle or two of notes to the concerned authority. My family comes under this category of Law abiding citizens.

Our ancestral home which we were forced to sell in lieu of a family feud 2 yrs back, had a huge Eucalyptus tree right in front of it. It was a majestic tree which grew beyond all measures and sizes, to the extent of covering up our entire house with its thick branches and leaves. Sometimes these thick branches would break and fall on the terrace and cause minor cracks on the roof along with water tank breakage. 

We had given the top floor of our home for rent to a tenant who stayed there with his wife. He was a genuine miser who even though could afford to build a house of his own, believed in saving up the money by staying as a tenant on our property. To top it all up, this man was not only a miser, but also the most lethargic man alive on the face of the Earth. Being a miser and also a chronic lazy bum is a really bad combination. 

He hired a chauffeur to drive him and his wife around whenever needed, in his OMNI VAN and also used to tip the poor guy peanuts for cleaning the pathetic van ones a week. I got up early one day with the intention of making my Father proud by taking an early bath and visiting the temple nearby. I got up, did the morning ritual of brushing followed by bladder and bowel relief, took a bath and got ready to give the good Lord a visit. As I stepped out of my home, the first thing I saw made me change my plans and go laugh myself to death. 

The poor lean driver was cleaning the OMNI in a very religious manner by using a tiny red cloth. He bent down to dip the cloth in a soapy solution and got back up presenting before the world the little wonder in his hand. He was holding a Red Underwear with a big hole right on its crotch area. I couldn’t help but ask….

Me- Ye aap kya kar rahe hain?!!
Driver- Dho raha hoon jee van!
Me- Woh toh dikh raha hai, par ye laal kapda kya hai?
Driver- Malik ka laal phata hua Kaccha hai. 

I ran back inside the home and dug my face on my mother’s lap as I laughed half my life out. My father on the other hand, was already bugged with the looser upstairs since he had turned our property into something which looked like a war zone. He marched upstairs and ordered the chaddiman and his chaddiwoman to move out of our property after a period of one month, which they could utilize to find a new place. 

Monsoon approached and made our peaceful existence a problem. Because of the heavy rains, many of the branches of the Eucalyptus tree broke and fell on the terrace crashing the railing down. My Father decided to take the tree down. Some people came, chopped off the tree and took it away. For the first time in 15 years, we saw sunlight the way we should have. I don’t know what they did with the wood. Nor did I care. 

But like I have said before, fate is a jealous bitch of the highest order. Some Police officials visited our home and enquired about the missing tree. My father told him that it was our property because it was in the land which was owned by us and decided to chop it down when it became a nuisance. The officials informed us that someone had lodged a complaint that a majestic Eucalyptus tree had been chopped off without getting the needed permission from the local authorities. This could result in my Dad tasting the Jail food.

But you know these poor underpaid policemen and officials. You really cannot blame them for accepting a note or two in exchange of getting your work done in a speedy manner. I am happy corruption exists because otherwise the policemen wouldn’t have accepted the few green papers my Dad gave them and nor would they have taken the complaint off the register. 

But if you know me well, you would know that I cannot live with the term ‘Curiosity’ lingering in my mind. I badly wanted to know who the man who lodged the complaint was. Sources told me that it was the Chaddiman. Some people and their ways!!!

P.S- I am going through writer's block and hence jut published one of the draft posts. Let me just assume that you all actually give a hoot about my life and that is why you read this post. 

P.P.S- Now is not a good time to ask you parents for money. Valentines day is fast approaching and parents have turned into detectives. So save up!

P.P.P.S- Blogging has become just so boring. This place is dead too!


  1. haha...not dead, this space is funny :) Though I think you could've made this into something much more funnier...

    1. Thankyou for being the first to read. Yes I cud have done better :)

  2. Corruption sometimes is helpful ( like in your case) We all have been there :) But at times when it involves really HUGE and SERIOUS crimes, grrr, it can be peeving to know that those guilty douchebags are still out there.

    Somehow your life seems so eventful! Your posts always comprise of your life stories which makes your blog so interesting to read! Wish I had that much of event happening in my life to share with others :)

    Sorry for not tuning in for long, been really caught up with time.

    Yes, blogging just gets boring. Especially when all your readers are not keeping in track with your blog cause of infrequent posts. I totally feel you!

  3. it happens with all of us.. writer's block.. for me it's blogger block.. and memories grow old with times. meaningful with every passing year :)

    Weakest LINK

  4. Totally agree about 'law abiding citizen' and Yes, this place is loosing its charm.I wonder why I am not addicted by now but PLEASEEE come back! We love what you write and its not as bad as you think it is:)

  5. tehehhee
    awwww...this no writer's block..!!!
    i am going through a writer's block..i dont even have anything saved up in my drafts to publish...!!
    sigh..well it be true u know..
    some times bad things also help you in some way and good things happen and you thank tha lord that the bad thing was there cos a badder thing would have taken otherwise..
    nice post this my RED louu

    PS-blaaging has become boring suddenly to me as well..aiyooo..what am i to do nowww ??!! :( big advantage of earning your own udhaar from appa for valentines *sheepish smile*

    PPPS-i am going through a commenter's block as well..
    meowwwwww..pfftttt....bleh :/ :/ :/

  6. lol, yeah a law abiding citizen knows how to survive in India ;)

  7. Damn the chaddiman! This post was as hilarious as the others. Keep writing. :)

  8. Of course you do get to see such 'samples' everywhere. And you're bang right about corruption - we may loathe it but it's here to stay anyway.

    I thought I was the only one who felt that this place is not as lively as before.

    Nice read as always. :D

  9. "It's good that corruption exists", at-least good in your further comments about that line. We all have own stories related to corruption.

    About blogging becoming boring...ummmm I think everyone feels it sooner of later. But on some good day you will find a new visitor(read, comments) and for next few posts blogging becomes interesting. And the cycle continues. :)

    About money and v-day thing: start preparation in advance(I did the same :D)

    Writers and their writer block, are inseparable. Wo kehte hain naa, "choli-daaman ka sath". :P

    Lastly, about that "chaddiman and his chaddiwoman" thing. On my working desk, all of sudden I started laughing loud and colleagues raised their eyebrows, as if I did something nasty :P :D

  10. I am another law abiding citizen. I gave those few green papers to the traffic police for letting me go. I was caught driving a AP registered bike in Maharashtra(I am driving this since Jan2010 and will continue till I stay here).
    I paid all the charges like insurance/pollution/registration/road tax/...My bikes number is unique in this world and it is not stolen stuff. I dont understand the reason why I can not drive a bike that is not registered in the same state where I stay!
    I am happy corruption exists or else, my bike would be lying in the police station now.

    Btw, your tenant is a pretty interesting guy...lolz :)

  11. Hilarious as always!! :P And yes a law abiding citizen knows how to survive in India. ;)

  12. Aren't you a lawyer to be? :P

  13. So many variety of people all around us :) :)
    and yes even I pity the poor policemen
    You should take vacation away from blogging, I am sure you will start loving it when you come back :)

  14. cheers for law abiding citizens... proud to be a law abiding citizen :D

  15. Funny .. made me laugh the answer to the RED CLOTH :)
    and yeah I guess corruption does have a advantage toooo ..

    and if this is writers block then I dont know what to say .. Mine is dead i will say and i dont have the block..


  16. chaddi with hole, that person had some imagination :P remember rang de basanti ? 'is he bribing him?' 'welcome to india sue' india hai jee, aise hi hota hai

  17. haha the title led me to believe its a Perry Mason one, turned out to be The Case of the Hole in the Red and the Red Handed Tenant.. loved it..
    Chisel that block, young writer.. and be back soon!

  18. The under pant with a hole! Haha!
    I don't know why people are so miser when they do have so much. There's no point. It's best to not bother about them :)
    At least your dad didn't get into trouble :) i didn't know that prior permission was required even if the tree was in our area.

    Yea..the place does seem dead!

  19. Chaddi Man...LOL...People do use their undergarments for cleaning purposes in India. :D

    Seriously, blogging is not that amusing now...

    1. Blogging is not amusing, Saru... ?? C'mon yaaro..kya ho gaya hai sabko..
      Wo "until you came"( waale ajay ne toh blog hi delete kar diya :(

  20. i am still laughing at the chaddiman, chaddiwoman and the driver episode ! :D

  21. Using undergarments for cleaning purposes is nothing surprising in India! And I completely agree about blogging. There definitely is no life to it!! :/

  22. ROTFL, LMAO....

    Don't you DARE abandon this blog.

  23. Chaddiman! LOL.. I like it!
    BTW, now c'mon publish all your draft posts.. you keep such hilarious stuff unpublished.. Paap hai ye paap!

    :D :D

    Keep blogging.. People like you know how to make it don't say its boring and all! :D

  24. I just came across your blog, and finished reading all your posts in one sitting. (I sware).

    You have an awesome sense of humour, but your wickedness beats it, anyday. For all the sins that you have committed and continue to commit, you aren't going to hell, else the devil will lose his job.

    Don't stop writing, else, may that wicked soul of yours rot in heaven.

  25. Hahahah. :)
    Blog more often!!! Dont even think of leaving because you are awesome girly! And yeah corruption is a part of everyone's life isn't it? 10Rs extra to the auto driver and even if it is like the home alone guy who tipped with gum!

  26. Hahahaha!! been a while since I laughed. A red chaddi? really? Man. He takes miser to a new level :P

  27. Ha ha ha :) Hilarious :)And I can't believe that the loser had actually lodged that kind of a complaint! Crazy!

  28. I guess blogging isnt boring red.. Its just too different from the normal articles we read on the net!! Nice story of the chaddiman, his chaddi and the tree.. "D

  29. Perhaps we all have spoken so much...a fresh breath of inspiration is needed Red...I feel the block thing too, but then keep writing in the hope that some day something worthwhile would take shape:-)

    And the chaddhi guy is the absolute laugh riot though I am soooo wondering about the hole in it! Phew! :-)

  30. haha :D Your titles draw me in as soon as I finish reading its last syllable. :D
    Although I do live in India but there are certain things I wish I could change about it :D

    This is one awesome post :D

  31. He he...nice post...and u thinking blogging has become boring too....??welcome to the gang!!!:-D

  32. You kidding? RED and the term "blogging" go hand in hand. Aap chale gaye to mujhe kaun hasayega? ;) . And this thing is reflecting in your articles. I feel something is missing.It's just not the way you write :(.

  33. ha ha.. this was too funny..Reading a backlog of blogs today since I was busy the whole of last month..

  34. Long live corruption, i say!!!! When we went to register our wedding, it was bribe hungry officials who saved our lives..

    Never want to be a hypocrite.. Anna Hazare and team are indeed doing great things. But everything wont be a cake walk if we become corruption free..

  35. Corruption..A necessary evil..I would say....Btw, blogging is boring..doesn't suit u..:P

  36. Ewww.Nasty person..thank God you guys did not end up much trouble..

    Can I say it was funny and no-offence-meant in the same line for this article?


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