We are the epitome of what law
abiding citizens should be. In India the term ‘law abiding citizen’ has a
realistic definition to it. According to this definition, a law abiding citizen
in India is that person who breaks the law given under the code and yet gets
away with it by passing a bundle or two of notes to the concerned authority. My
family comes under this category of Law abiding citizens.
Our ancestral home which we were
forced to sell in lieu of a family feud 2 yrs back, had a huge Eucalyptus tree
right in front of it. It was a majestic tree which grew beyond all measures and
sizes, to the extent of covering up our entire house with its thick branches
and leaves. Sometimes these thick branches would break and fall on the terrace
and cause minor cracks on the roof along with water tank breakage.
We had given the top floor of our
home for rent to a tenant who stayed there with his wife. He was a genuine
miser who even though could afford to build a house of his own, believed in
saving up the money by staying as a tenant on our property. To top it all up,
this man was not only a miser, but also the most lethargic man alive on the
face of the Earth. Being a miser and also a chronic lazy bum is a really bad
combination.
He hired a chauffeur to drive him
and his wife around whenever needed, in his OMNI VAN and also used to tip the
poor guy peanuts for cleaning the pathetic van ones a week. I got up early one
day with the intention of making my Father proud by taking an early bath and
visiting the temple nearby. I got up, did the morning ritual of brushing
followed by bladder and bowel relief, took a bath and got ready to give the
good Lord a visit. As I stepped out of my home, the first thing I saw made me
change my plans and go laugh myself to death.
The poor lean driver was cleaning
the OMNI in a very religious manner by using a tiny red cloth. He bent down to
dip the cloth in a soapy solution and got back up presenting before the world
the little wonder in his hand. He was holding a Red Underwear with a big hole
right on its crotch area. I couldn’t help but ask….
Me- Ye aap kya kar rahe hain?!!
Driver- Dho raha hoon jee van!
Me- Woh toh dikh raha hai, par ye
laal kapda kya hai?
Driver- Malik ka laal phata hua
Kaccha hai.
I ran back inside the home and
dug my face on my mother’s lap as I laughed half my life out. My father on the
other hand, was already bugged with the looser upstairs since he had turned our
property into something which looked like a war zone. He marched upstairs and
ordered the chaddiman and his chaddiwoman to move out of our property after a
period of one month, which they could utilize to find a new place.
Monsoon approached and made our
peaceful existence a problem. Because of the heavy rains, many of the branches
of the Eucalyptus tree broke and fell on the terrace crashing the railing down.
My Father decided to take the tree down. Some people came, chopped off the tree
and took it away. For the first time in 15 years, we saw sunlight the way we
should have. I don’t know what they did with the wood. Nor did I care.
But like I have said before, fate
is a jealous bitch of the highest order. Some Police officials visited our home
and enquired about the missing tree. My father told him that it was our
property because it was in the land which was owned by us and decided to chop
it down when it became a nuisance. The officials informed us that someone had lodged
a complaint that a majestic Eucalyptus tree had been chopped off without
getting the needed permission from the local authorities. This could result in
my Dad tasting the Jail food.
But you know these poor underpaid
policemen and officials. You really cannot blame them for accepting a note or
two in exchange of getting your work done in a speedy manner. I am happy
corruption exists because otherwise the policemen wouldn’t have accepted the
few green papers my Dad gave them and nor would they have taken the complaint
off the register.
But if you know me well, you
would know that I cannot live with the term ‘Curiosity’ lingering in my mind. I
badly wanted to know who the man who lodged the complaint was. Sources told me
that it was the Chaddiman. Some people and their ways!!!
P.S- I am going through writer's block and hence jut published one of the draft posts. Let me just assume that you
all actually give a hoot about my life and that is why you read this post.
P.P.S- Now is not a good time to ask you parents for money. Valentines day is fast approaching and parents have turned into detectives. So save up!
P.P.P.S- Blogging has become just so boring. This place is dead too!
haha...not dead, this space is funny :) Though I think you could've made this into something much more funnier...
ReplyDeleteThankyou for being the first to read. Yes I cud have done better :)
DeleteCorruption sometimes is helpful ( like in your case) We all have been there :) But at times when it involves really HUGE and SERIOUS crimes, grrr, it can be peeving to know that those guilty douchebags are still out there.
ReplyDeleteSomehow your life seems so eventful! Your posts always comprise of your life stories which makes your blog so interesting to read! Wish I had that much of event happening in my life to share with others :)
Sorry for not tuning in for long, been really caught up with time.
Yes, blogging just gets boring. Especially when all your readers are not keeping in track with your blog cause of infrequent posts. I totally feel you!
it happens with all of us.. writer's block.. for me it's blogger block.. and memories grow old with times. meaningful with every passing year :)
ReplyDeleteWeakest LINK
Totally agree about 'law abiding citizen' and Yes, this place is loosing its charm.I wonder why I am not addicted by now but PLEASEEE come back! We love what you write and its not as bad as you think it is:)
ReplyDeletetehehhee
ReplyDeleteawwww...this no writer's block..!!!
i am going through a writer's block..i dont even have anything saved up in my drafts to publish...!!
pffttt
sigh..well it be true u know..
some times bad things also help you in some way and good things happen and you thank tha lord that the bad thing was there cos a badder thing would have taken otherwise..
AND I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY PROVED MY INSANITY WITH ALL MY MUMBO JUMBO
nice post this my RED louu
PS-blaaging has become boring suddenly to me as well..aiyooo..what am i to do nowww ??!! :(
PPS-bleheheheeh...one big advantage of earning your own money..no udhaar from appa for valentines *sheepish smile*
PPPS-i am going through a commenter's block as well..
meowwwwww..pfftttt....bleh :/ :/ :/
lol, yeah a law abiding citizen knows how to survive in India ;)
ReplyDeleteDamn the chaddiman! This post was as hilarious as the others. Keep writing. :)
ReplyDeleteOf course you do get to see such 'samples' everywhere. And you're bang right about corruption - we may loathe it but it's here to stay anyway.
ReplyDeleteI thought I was the only one who felt that this place is not as lively as before.
Nice read as always. :D
"It's good that corruption exists", at-least good in your case...no further comments about that line. We all have own stories related to corruption.
ReplyDeleteAbout blogging becoming boring...ummmm I think everyone feels it sooner of later. But on some good day you will find a new visitor(read, comments) and for next few posts blogging becomes interesting. And the cycle continues. :)
About money and v-day thing: start preparation in advance(I did the same :D)
Writers and their writer block, are inseparable. Wo kehte hain naa, "choli-daaman ka sath". :P
Lastly, about that "chaddiman and his chaddiwoman" thing. On my working desk, all of sudden I started laughing loud and colleagues raised their eyebrows, as if I did something nasty :P :D
I am another law abiding citizen. I gave those few green papers to the traffic police for letting me go. I was caught driving a AP registered bike in Maharashtra(I am driving this since Jan2010 and will continue till I stay here).
ReplyDeleteI paid all the charges like insurance/pollution/registration/road tax/...My bikes number is unique in this world and it is not stolen stuff. I dont understand the reason why I can not drive a bike that is not registered in the same state where I stay!
I am happy corruption exists or else, my bike would be lying in the police station now.
Btw, your tenant is a pretty interesting guy...lolz :)
Hilarious as always!! :P And yes a law abiding citizen knows how to survive in India. ;)
ReplyDeleteAren't you a lawyer to be? :P
ReplyDeleteYou bet she is :D
DeleteSo many variety of people all around us :) :)
ReplyDeleteand yes even I pity the poor policemen
You should take vacation away from blogging, I am sure you will start loving it when you come back :)
cheers for law abiding citizens... proud to be a law abiding citizen :D
ReplyDeleteFunny .. made me laugh the answer to the RED CLOTH :)
ReplyDeleteand yeah I guess corruption does have a advantage toooo ..
and if this is writers block then I dont know what to say .. Mine is dead i will say and i dont have the block..
Bikram's
chaddi with hole, that person had some imagination :P remember rang de basanti ? 'is he bribing him?' 'welcome to india sue' india hai jee, aise hi hota hai
ReplyDeletehaha the title led me to believe its a Perry Mason one, turned out to be The Case of the Hole in the Red and the Red Handed Tenant.. loved it..
ReplyDeleteChisel that block, young writer.. and be back soon!
The under pant with a hole! Haha!
ReplyDeleteI don't know why people are so miser when they do have so much. There's no point. It's best to not bother about them :)
At least your dad didn't get into trouble :) i didn't know that prior permission was required even if the tree was in our area.
Yea..the place does seem dead!
BUT DON'T QUIT :D
DeleteNEVER EVER :D
DeleteHaha...poor driver!!
ReplyDeleteChaddi Man...LOL...People do use their undergarments for cleaning purposes in India. :D
ReplyDeleteSeriously, blogging is not that amusing now...
Blogging is not amusing, Saru... ?? C'mon yaaro..kya ho gaya hai sabko..
DeleteWo "until you came"(http://ajaykgp.wordpress.com) waale ajay ne toh blog hi delete kar diya :(
i am still laughing at the chaddiman, chaddiwoman and the driver episode ! :D
ReplyDeleteUsing undergarments for cleaning purposes is nothing surprising in India! And I completely agree about blogging. There definitely is no life to it!! :/
ReplyDeleteROTFL, LMAO....
ReplyDeleteDon't you DARE abandon this blog.
Chaddiman! LOL.. I like it!
ReplyDeleteBTW, now c'mon publish all your draft posts.. you keep such hilarious stuff unpublished.. Paap hai ye paap!
:D :D
Keep blogging.. People like you know how to make it interesting..so don't say its boring and all! :D
I just came across your blog, and finished reading all your posts in one sitting. (I sware).
ReplyDeleteYou have an awesome sense of humour, but your wickedness beats it, anyday. For all the sins that you have committed and continue to commit, you aren't going to hell, else the devil will lose his job.
Don't stop writing, else, may that wicked soul of yours rot in heaven.
Hahahah. :)
ReplyDeleteBlog more often!!! Dont even think of leaving because you are awesome girly! And yeah corruption is a part of everyone's life isn't it? 10Rs extra to the auto driver and even if it is like the home alone guy who tipped with gum!
Hahahaha!! been a while since I laughed. A red chaddi? really? Man. He takes miser to a new level :P
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha :) Hilarious :)And I can't believe that the loser had actually lodged that kind of a complaint! Crazy!
ReplyDeleteI guess blogging isnt boring red.. Its just too different from the normal articles we read on the net!! Nice story of the chaddiman, his chaddi and the tree.. "D
ReplyDeletePerhaps we all have spoken so much...a fresh breath of inspiration is needed Red...I feel the block thing too, but then keep writing in the hope that some day something worthwhile would take shape:-)
ReplyDeleteAnd the chaddhi guy is the absolute laugh riot though I am soooo wondering about the hole in it! Phew! :-)
haha :D Your titles draw me in as soon as I finish reading its last syllable. :D
ReplyDeleteAlthough I do live in India but there are certain things I wish I could change about it :D
This is one awesome post :D
He he...nice post...and u thinking blogging has become boring too....??welcome to the gang!!!:-D
ReplyDeleteYou kidding? RED and the term "blogging" go hand in hand. Aap chale gaye to mujhe kaun hasayega? ;) . And this thing is reflecting in your articles. I feel something is missing.It's just not the way you write :(.
ReplyDeleteha ha.. this was too funny..Reading a backlog of blogs today since I was busy the whole of last month..
ReplyDeleteLong live corruption, i say!!!! When we went to register our wedding, it was bribe hungry officials who saved our lives..
ReplyDeleteNever want to be a hypocrite.. Anna Hazare and team are indeed doing great things. But everything wont be a cake walk if we become corruption free..
Corruption..A necessary evil..I would say....Btw, blogging is boring..doesn't suit u..:P
ReplyDeleteEwww.Nasty person..thank God you guys did not end up much trouble..
ReplyDeleteCan I say it was funny and no-offence-meant in the same line for this article?