ABOUT BIRDS AND BEES!!

I am worried. I still am flabbergasted by the statement my brother made regarding ‘sex’ some days back. Now me being the epitome of an average Indian female belonging to an average Indian family, I have never ever discussed the subject ‘fornication’ with my family members. My Father still switches to some other channel whenever an advertisement of Moods condom comes up or the part of the movie when the hero and heroine start to knead each other i.e foreplay. 

Some days back me and my 14 yr old brother happened to watch an English flick which went by the name ‘Notorious’. It was based on the life of the legendary rapper Biggie Smalls and he was a huge man, both in size and fame. There came a scene were the fat man is butt naked on bed with his girlfriend riding him all the way till climax. The awkward me reacted to this by forwarding the movie till the porny part was done with. My brother innocently said ‘You think I don’t know stuffs? I know what they were doing. I even know the position they were trying.’ 

I haven’t been able to erase that statement from my mind. Kids these days know everything they shouldn’t know about at their age. When I look back, I remember being the naive kid who had the basics all wrong. 

2^nd Grade

I thought that Mommy was kissed on the lips by my Daddy which made her tummy swell up like a balloon. This was followed by me popping out of her Belly Button while she was asleep. 

5^th Grade

Now the little me was becoming inquisitive about the whole bird and bee thing. I would stare at the scene where the hero starts kissing the heroine on her neck and cheeks, undress her, make her lie on the bed with him half naked and then switch off the light. I now had the answer before me as to how to get pregnant. All you need to do is to get naked, cuddle up with a guy, turn off the light and kiss him till you sleep. Voila! The next day you are pregnant. 

7^th Grade

I came back home from school with a very funny feeling going inside my tummy. I went to my room to get undressed and then screamed the biggest scream of my life. My granny ran to my rescue, just to find me petrified and bawling my eyes out. I was bleeding from the unknown territory and this only meant one thing to me i.e I had cancer. I did not believe my granny or my mother when they tried to explain things which made no logic to me. I was sure that I had cancer because I noticed a tear or two in my Dad’s eyes which he was trying to hide with a smile. I was going to die.

8^th Grade

I found out that babies come out of a woman’s Vagina. Now the next step was to find out what a vagina is. Since I did not have the permission to go online except to do my project, I asked my friends who seemed to be brighter than me. They declared that the Vagina and the pee hole were one and the same.

9^th Grade

They introduced us to Biology with the topic ‘Reproduction’ being one of the chapters. My teacher started to tell us how bees sprinkle pollen grains of one flower on the other and thus help in plant reproduction. She even told us that when a coma like thing enters a circle, they become a thing called embryo which after 9 mths becomes a baby and comes out of the vagina. I raised my hand to ask a doubt.

Me- But Madam, you said bees and the wind help in the pollination of plants. How does the coma enter the circle to become a baby?

Teacher- Sit down! You just need to learn the things given in the book. A baby comes out of a woman’s vagina after 9 mths.

Me- Vagina means the pee hole?

Teacher- No the other hole.

Me- The other hole? You mean the anus?

Teacher- No. The one between them.

Me- I don’t have it.

10^th Grade

This time I was determined to find out about the whole process. After our Ninth grade exam, one of my best friends organised a slumber party at her place. Her parents allowed her and the three friends she had called including me, to sleep upstairs. That room even had a computer system with internet in it. We decided to make use of the opportunity and started searching for ‘Sex Videos’ online. I still remember staring at the screen with my eyes and mouth wide open. I and my friends swore never to do what we just saw. The woman seemed to be in a hell lot of pain. Why else would she make so much noise, with her expression all contorted? I was sure that my parents did such a painful and ugly thing only twice and that too just so that I and my brother could enter this world. Why would anyone do such a thing for no apparent reason!

Now

I am now well informed about the entire process and I for sure know that it is nowhere close to be termed as Ugly. I know everything that a girl of my age and my time should know. The world has changed me though. I am no more naïve nor am I innocent. I read a quote somewhere that ‘69% percent of people can find something dirty in every sentence’. I proudly accept the fact that I belong to that category. Go ahead, judge me but I too know what goes in your mind, you dirty creep!

Coming back to the point, how do you think should I have reacted to my brother when he made such a statement? I just smiled till the awkwardness went away. I sometimes wonder how kids will be ten years down the line. Early maturity is not a good thing. It eats away your innocence. God save!

P.S- I am sure you would be thinking that I was a late learner. I know that many girls get to know stuffs real early in their life but I wasn’t one of them. I was the kid you saw frolicking down the lane with the brightest smile on her face.

P.P.S- My apologies for not commenting on your latest blogposts. I have been travelling a lot and on top of all that had my exams up. And oh btw! Two juniors got down with Chicken Pox and so the University is shut down for a week starting today!! Jealous much?!! :D

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