Thursday, 21 March 2013

KEEP KAAM WALI BAI




The traditional concept of family needs to be redefined. Earlier to constitute a family all that was generally required was a male, a female and the fruits of their loins. But with the advent of time a new non- blood related member has found her way into this closely bound unit and that is a ‘KAAM WALI BAI’. 
  
Recently I discovered the sine qua non which determines the true maturity of a woman. When your casual talks with your girls shifts from the customary ‘Who is the bitch we all hate?’ to ‘Did your Bai come today?’ it is then that you realize that maturity or reality has finally dawned upon you. This is the age of the Bai, and your domestic life is handicapped without her.

We worship our Bai and we do not ever mess with our Bai. The rules of traditional employment are happily forgotten because her happiness is of our utmost concern. The Golden words ‘Mein Aaa Gayi Didi’ is all it takes to brighten up your day because it is she who keeps the balance of your house and her one uncalled holiday is a gazillion times worse than third degree torture in jail.

We had found Utopia a few months back, having found the perfect maid who was stupid enough to charge less. My ears had their own private tantric orgasm everytime they heard the sound of her footsteps entering our house. It was a beauty how she made sure the broomstick touched every inch of the room and the mop licked the entire house clean. The utensils smelled of Prill and smiled at me with satisfaction. She was the domestic Goddess and I her devotee. But Utopian existence is too good to be true and she left us to return back to her Tamil land. My Switzerland turned into dusty Iraq.

Two days of her absence, and my grandmother was lamenting by being on bed and praying for a miracle. My mother had gone bonkers and was now blaming me for being the useless bone who will be divorced by my future husband for not knowing a thing or two about house cleaning. My father started going to office early to escape the boiling temperature at home and came only late in the evening. My brother shut himself in the room. The loss was unbearable.

I began circling my colony asking every random person I spotted if they knew a good maid whom I could possibly hire. Now Indian families are very possessive about their Bai’s because sharing your Bai results in her being tired and coming to your place late and not cleaning your house well. You cannot even scold her for it lest she deserts you. So even when they had a maid evidently cleaning their front porch, people lied to me about the non availability of a Bai. Traitors and Barbaric brutes!!!

Yesterday the balance was restored, when our neighbours vacated their house and generously offered the services of their maid to us.  It was the best goodbye gift ever!

The smell of Prill has returned and the sound of broom as it sparkles up my house is back to tingle my auditory senses. I have presented the best groomed broomsticks available in the market at her service and the buckets are filled with water beforehand to make it easy for her to mop. So what if she charges a few hundred bucks more and so what if she orders me to make her tea everyday before she leaves. Isn’t it normal? Please tell me it is.

Diamonds might be a girl’s bestfriend, but if you truly love a woman, gift her a good maid. She would reward you generously for that, if you know what I mean!!

P.S- I have the most boring family ever. We visit the same restaurant everytime we feel like dining out and we order the same stupid Butter Chicken, Nan and Veg Jalfrezi every single time. Yesterday I admitted in a raised voice to my father about the spiceless existence we have. This resulted in him rolling up his sleeve and promising me a different restaurant and different meal yesterday night. He took us to Indian Coffee House and we all had Masaladosa. Sigh!!!

Image Courtesy- keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

45 comments:

  1. Ah..! The second world problems..:P :D

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  2. Loved reading this! There is a new saying doing round these days. It goes like - 'Behind every successful woman, there is a kam=vali-bai'

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    1. Hhaahah I hadnt come across that saying! Good one!

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  3. ok hear this..i have my parents here staying with us since our baby is too small to be left with a maid or in daycare..i of course agreed cuz its my set of parents..i assure you it would not be this beautiful if his folks would have volunteered.

    Anyways, off late, i find my father getting up in the morning and washing a few plates , as my mother makes quick round of brooming...obviously the daughter in me got angry and asked why..the answer was epic "We are lucky to have such a good bai, if we reduce her work pressure she will be happy and continue working "

    SPEECHLESS moment happened then !

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    1. Hahahah our parents care more about the Bai's happiness than their own! Thankyou sooo very much for reading!

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  4. The condition is ubiquitous it seems. The maid at our home is quite shrewd too as she knows how much extinct their profession has become these days. She takes the pleasure of granting herself ' unauthorised leaves' once every week, even when the condition other days is such that she needs to work for only three hours a day at our home. And amma is ready to pay her thousands more for her readiness to work for us, atleast six days a week as she has to leave for college lectures without fail.

    Anyways nice take on the direness of the situation :)

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    1. Ours is making us work more than she does. She wants the bucket filled...the soap kept outside for her...the plate rack clean!

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  5. Masaladosa sounds good. :P

    Is the maid problem that big of a deal? Actually I had no idea. So, as per your suggestion, diamonds are out of the list, and kaam wali bai are on the list to give to a woman. :P

    For a major portion of the post, I was literally LOLing. And the image says it all. Keep Kaam Wali Bai :D

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    1. Yes diamonds are out and maid is in! Lesson for you to cherish for life!

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  6. Now a days it's no big deal finding a good husband, but finding an efficient, punctual and good maid, is close to impossible. The day my maid decides to not show up, I am obviously grumpy and in a foul mood. Worse than the PMS days :P

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    1. Tellme about it! My mother makes my living hell on those days!

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  7. Now that I have moved to the land of the maidless, I have turned into a videshi maid from a desi Mem. Yes, I miss my maids more than my Mom!

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    1. Hahahah I did read you post about it!

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  8. lol your blog is hilarious :)

    and our maid is a 70 year old goddess :O

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    1. 70 yr old!! My goodness! Btw welcome to my silly blog :)

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  9. U know what... I had the same situation. My entire life depended on my maid, and when she started taking undue advantage of it, I enrolled my child in a playschool and fired her. Now the house is under my responsibility - and it is tough. But the freedom of not being dependent on anyone is such a huge relief ! I know it is tough for bigger households, but maid have driven me crazy over the years !

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    1. We tried doing that for a mth..But both my parents work and I have my classes to attend and I cannot expect my granny to do it. Besides I have a bother who loves throwing his socks and dirty shoes anywhere and everywhere! So sigh! My Bai is my goddess!

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  10. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I escape to library early and come late to avoid doing any work. Recently, our maid left us. :(
    I so understand.
    I hope you're doing good, red. :D

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    1. Hey!!!!!! Yes m doing good and seeing you here made me smile :)
      Thanks love!

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  11. Yeah it is normal all right. Making tea for them and charging a few 1000 bucks extra and taking more vacations than there are working days.Plenty normal.
    You made a point with your post girl.You did.:)

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    1. Hhahaha btw whr is the follow button on ur blog :/

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  12. Bai is more important than any other living soul. Glad you got her as a parting gift. Masala Dosa, yum, call me whenever you go next time. Believe me, when you're overseas any Indian food sounds divine.

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    1. Hhaha poor you. I pray someone opens a pakka desi resto nearby....

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  13. Hohoho! Welcome to the real woman's world! Good post, Red. Wish you don't get sick of masaladosas too :P

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    1. Hhahaha real womans world it is!!!!!

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  14. Sounded so much similar to my family story.

    We share the nexus of change-less-ness.
    Atleast, you were promised some change. :)

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  15. I don't recognize any of these terms. I guess I don't know all that much about India and Indian culture.

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  16. Hahah I know what you mean here :P my maid once decided to take leave during my exams :O :O My mom's BP was all time high and my Dad refused to come home early and my Bro kept playing out for long hours :D :D

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  17. tat is one hostile neighbourhood you live in ,,,,!!
    people selfish enough to not share there bais ,,,! omfg ...!!
    and dude butter chicken with naann ,,!1 i can keep having tat n not get bored of it all my life,,!! and from all the stories on your blog im sure u have one fun family ,,!!

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  18. Baa haa haa! Don't I know it! I'm happier to see my Bai at the door every morning than my husband at the same door every evening.

    PS - My family used to be boring in exactly the same way - navratan korma, butter paneer masala, daal makhani and naan. No matter where we went, this was the standard menu. It was only after the arrival of pizza that the menu changed completely. Of course, now it is the same standard pizza toppings combo every single time. Sigh!

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  19. As a child, I used to make life hell for the bai(s) working in the house, or so I am told. My mum would expertly usher me out of the way every time the cleaning tornado hit our house at 9:30 a.m. Hahaha, good ol' days.

    And yes, the worth of a bai is only realized when you have one and he leaves. My grandparents don't believe in keeping a maid and it automatically makes me a sort of workaholic. But back home, I become the same old lazy ass, dragging myself to every meanest chore that was to be done a week before...

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  20. Sorry I came onto this VERY late...but as usual, I love the comic relief.
    You have no idea how much i can relate to this post of yours!
    You see, I used to have a maid, who was goodlooking, and nice to talk to, she came on time , and she did her work well, but she left because of her turbulent love life.
    Another one was a one-eyed blabbering skinny lady, who would keep on quoting idioms on how computers were spoiling us kids....another one got her little girl along who would help her brooming while she eyed my jewellery, and another one who smoked beedie and had a boycut here, and we were so scared of her because she scolded all of us back.
    New Winter, New maid. :P

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  21. I can gladly say my mother loves our cook more than me. She might forget to get me something for diwali but she never forgets her :/

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  22. Same here. No matter which hotel, my parents menu will never change. And the best part is, they are so capable of getting hard core indian menus specially prepared in exclusive non indian restaurants that me and my sis would love to frequent.
    We dnt hav a bai. We manage the chores ourself, each one of us equally responsible for everything from cleaning to cooking.

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  23. My mom is the only one who works day n night cleaning cooking washing in our house. And i m so glad we dont have to depend on a bai. Sometimes i think mom doesnt get the respect she deserves after all that tiring work. I wish i could do something special for her someday.

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  24. You're being badly missed on twitter. :(

    LOL at the post seriously.This is so epic feels like we can relate to it. ;)

    Take care. :)

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  25. This article was so funny, had me in splits. ROFLMAO Indeed. Ok , gotta look for my ass now.

    Bye!

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  26. Mothers go crazy when the maid stops coming. Its the same case at my place for now. And my mother keeps nagging me, while I sleep like a log!
    Your post comprised of everything.. Amusing, humor, reality :)

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  27. You are so awesome! And as far as my bai is concerned, I love her. Literally!!

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  28. You and I are soul sisters. I have been screaming black and blue about my bai. Most of the humor that spouts from my blog is dedicated to the illustrious bai! Loved your post!

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Spit It Out I Say !!!