Thursday 29 December 2011

Diary and Calendar Tragedy

It is that time of the year and I am pissed off. It’s the last week of the year and like every last week of every year that has gone by during my existence, I hate this last week too. My parents are the reason. This week to me is known as ‘CALENDAR & DIARY WEEK’.

My Father works in SBI which is known for its most dreary and dead edition of New Year diaries and calendars. My mother with her Income tax department follows that league religiously too. My childhood memories are frightening to the extent of making my brain numb. The last week of every Year brings with it new editions of diaries and calendars, which my parents tediously distribute to everyone we know and do not know. I was forced to carry a Diary accompanied with a calendar to my school, so that I could gift it to my teacher, courtesy the bank. Next day, another set of diary and calendar, courtesy Income tax department. My friends stopped visiting me at my place during this time because my parents would not even spare them of the agony. This is the worst week of the year and it has become a ritual.

My family accompanied me back to Kerala for a week this time. The luggage seemed enormous for a one week stay but why should I question? I was rejoicing over the fact that atleast this year they won’t be parcelling me Bank Diaries or sending it through some distant relatives. But you know my fate is a bitch and my joy was short lived. The following conversation was the reason.

Me- Papa, we got to do some minor shopping. Need things like detergent, soap, shampoo, lotion, talc, Oil and stuff. I do not want to go alone to shop because then you will call me and ask me why and where I spent so much money. So buy it for me before you leave this state.
Papa- Ok Mole. Just make a list of all the things you need and we shall go buy them all.
Me- Oh just the basic needs and some not so basic ones. You know me na. Oh Papa, new semester starting and so I need a new notepad to jot down the notes.
Papa- Not to worry Mole! You don’t worry about the notepad. I bought sufficient diaries from the bank and it is in the luggage. You can take it to college. Also take some for your friends. Your professors would like it too.
Me- Papa! I hate that diary. It is so boring and who thought of putting the Map of India showing all the branches of your bank, on the cover page? It sucks!!
Papa- Don’t talk to me in that tone ever again! Also why are so concerned with how it looks when your basic need is to write down the notes?
Me- But Papa!
Papa- Mole! The Case is dismissed!

Now I am just waiting for my mother to do the same with me because I am sure she will. If not for scribbling down the notes, then for revision purpose. As if I even revise! Gah!! Indian parents are pure torture sometimes. But the worst part is that my father has 10 more years left to retire and my mother has almost 16 yrs. So fuck my life. I cannot wait for them to retire!

Btw anyone who wants an SBI or Income Tax diary and calendar, just ask me before I throw the bunch as far as I can into the Arabian Sea. 

P.S- I am back to my den after being at home for 2 mths! No hurray for that because here too I was forced to join a gym. My parents will leave tomorrow. Yesterday we bought some gold for my marriage which will happen probably after 3 to 4 yrs. Being a Malayalee girl has its downfall. Also in Kerala, you might find a much larger crowd in a gold shop than in a fish market.

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  1. Hahah aww you! I can understand the diary business. My father buys a lot of them and forces me to write notes in them ! :D It's irritating! :D lol, happy avoiding marriage though! :P

  2. i can totally understand the diary dilemma cause my dad happens to be in income tax too. guess i will never understand why diaries are used AT ALL

  3. I would be a real dirty woman if I laughed at this, but you know now what I was doing while reading the post :P!!
    Agree about the diaries. I used to get some at home, and they looked so boring. Nothing interesting at all. Everytime someone used to ask me at this time if I wanted a diary I would just look at them and smile, hoping they would get the point. Sadly they never did, though now I am done with those!!
    Malayalees are the best with gold and marriage huh :D!!! The marriage part has happened with me, so waiting for the gold era now :/!!!

  4. We are SUCH opposites, I tell you:D I HOARD diaries, ugly or otherwise. I never write in them, in fact I hate writing because my handwriting is weird (I'm awesome like that:P) and I have NEVER EVER taken notes in class, like ever. But still I love them diaries. So can I give you my address and all the diaries and calenders you hate may henceforth be mailed to me and the pleasure will be ALL mine :D

    Gold already? o_O I haven't started yet *touchwood* :P I have this vision of everyone managing to irritate you enough on your wedding day that you'll just scream FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK with your face upwards and the camera angle shooting you from above :D Yes, I have a vivid imagination.

    OH and just LOOK at those numbers! Congrats on the 300 :)

  5. ha ha ha... My dad is a chartered accountant and he gets complimetary diaries from all the banks in the city and we used to have a rating game when we rate all the diaries. :)Some of them are really horrendoes,and my dad usually gifts them to the people who visit us during that time , :). Needless to say all household accounts, revisions etc are done using these diaries by default.

  6. Aww the dairy thing is sad! :P

  7. Parents dont ever lose an opportunity to make us look stupid.

    If you dont like the diaries so much, sell them to a Waste Paper mart, you'll get enough to buy yourself a decent meal :D.

    and send some to Germany no? :D

  8. hahaha... whn u put it that way thank god my parents dnt get diaries... buuuut can u send some my way though, i gt a few ppl who need gifting...

  9. LOL. I remember getting diaries from my dad who gets from his LIC guy :D
    But, I somehow like those diaries for I use them for sticking some postures, saving SMS, drawing etc.. :)

  10. haha.. my dad gets a lot of them too! I used to use them for scribbling and doodling but thankfully I was never made to distribute them among friends :P

  11. I can have the diary...Throw it in the Atlantic Ocean...I can fetch it from there...:)

    South Indian marriages are gold affair...:)

  12. Diaries. You will have my address!!! :D :D :D Awwww....poor you! I understand...when you are pseudo-salesman for the bank for free! :D :D :D *Tight Hug* :D <3

  13. Wow..Gold already! My mom has been investing in gold too..since when I dunno :P

    And about the diaries... I have s omany of them.. I love to keep them for diff purposes.. Even to maintain the house hisaab :P

    Good post as usual! :D
    Happy gyming! :D

  14. don't think red that u will get rid of dairies after ur parents retire..Nooo.. if u get into office like mine , they make sure tht we use their diaries and carry tht sick ones with us for all the meetings :(((

  15. No dairies but I am short of calenders. would be of real help if I could get one of those. Will send my address, please send two or three. Don't want to buy em. too lazy to shop for calenders. ;D

    and yeah.. my parents have joined some gold purchase plan since two years. they are just desperately waiting to close it and buy gold :(

  16. haha totally agree
    esp with d mallu crowd in gold shop
    im new here & ur blog has got me addicted.
    keep going:D

  17. Haha. Happens with me too. But with LIC diaries.
    But on a positive note it has a-still-bearable Indian Arts picture on it unlike the plain blue and LIC stamp every year.

  18. oohhh I've been on the receiving end of those calenders from so many of my friends. Its so boring! Gosh. It rots in my cupboard. :P

    And gold for your marriage? Wow. :P LOL. Mallu Kutti eh? :)

  19. Aah my parents have retired now, so I'm spared from the diaries.. And I remember dad's diary.. being a civil engineer, his diaries were filled with sites and addresses n numbers.. I wonder if anyone even contacted em :/

    But then again I love diaries .. tp you can send me the diaries..I'll happily take em..

    Gold shopping abhi se? :O .. umm thank god mine's not started.. hehehe good luck babe :D

  20. Diaries...of course, so many of them are lying stacked somewhere, half of them marked with my attempts of sticking to schedules. But that's the end of it.

    And buying gold already? Talk about an early start. And yet again, one can't help but laugh at your expense. Nice read as always. :)

  21. Indian parents and "pure torture"...who else could have thought THAT but dear old Red...

    And diaries as well as gold, if they bother you too much, I'll be glad to help...aakhir friends kiss liye hote hain:-)

    And gym god, I hope when the parents leave the next day, gym pe bhi taala lag jaaye:-)

  22. I love diaries and hoard them.. But I hate those bank ones which have appointment and stuff in there! My Mom works in LIC and she gets loads of diaries and calenders like that and I distribute it!! When I buy nice cute diaries she gives me such torturous looks :P :P
    Gold really!!!! So marriage ki taiyyari started.. Early planning!
    Oh really your parents are something yaar! Made you join gym :d gaahahahaha to that!

  23. My mom would get these diaries and me and sis would fight over them. Like PV even I hoard them...I have diaries which haven't been touched since 1992!!! Sometimes I would use the maps to make paper boats during the monsoons.....ah I wanna go back to being little :'(...I too want diary mole :D

  24. I might sound like a big weirdo if I tell you one little secret.
    I love the smell of new diaries. I can smell them for like infinite number of times. Okay, now don't give me that look na!!

    And ohoo...when will the GYM fever subside? True...Indian parents can be pure torture sometimes.

  25. Oh and by the way, you should give my blog a visit as something awaits you. :)

  26. He he :) Nice one. But unlike you, I used to love the diaries my dad brought home. He is an employee of BHEL, but he brought in diaries from various finance companies, banks etc. And all of those would be awesome. I used to shuffle through them, decide on the best and convince my dad to give it to me :)

  27. Aiyyo. I share the same Malayali girl troubles!! However, my dad gets me those old diaries.. like, when everyone will be buying 2012 ka..I shall be using 2011. coz nobody wants them now. :|

  28. I loved this post . How tragic ! Diary ka kissa . hahah .

    Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a 'different' New Year ahead .

  29. Oh my god... My sister should read this.. She would be so over asking you to send them all over.. She collects yet never uses.. Growls if i ask 1 for my notes...!!!

    Happy new year lady...!! This new year may God bless you.. Your family.. The gym instructor and never the least me too :):)

  30. hahahhahaha.....u have a fantastic sense of humour girl! :D :D
    Praying for uncle aunty to!

  31. Oh oh! This post brought back memories. I HAD TO use notebooks from my grandfather's trust as a rough book in school. Now I'm super proud of him & all for running such a Wonderful trust. But back then, I was embarrassed as hell to carry those books!!!

    Happy New Year!!

  32. Reading your post is always interesting, wish if you had the same feeling for gold I would have requested you to send me a box full of gold:)... Again nice one.. Keep writing.

  33. Hahaha... the gym never seems to let go of u, eh? :) U must b fit as a fiddle, mole :)

    Welcum to the other side of the diary.. me n my folks r kinda like the collectors.. we hv a family week every January whn we diligently go to all the banks we do n don't hv accounts with n we, as a family, demand them fr the free calendars n diaries.. nt tht we ever do anythin much with them.. but since we were never really gud readers n we still hv a library to show off to our neighbors, we stack our "library" with unused diaries tht go all the way back to 2004 :)

    My mind tells me folks n urs shud connect but thn again, I knw fr a fact tht if we ever do, I'd b sooo jealous of u fr hvn been able to be part of a gym fr soooo.. long.. so in the interest of my obesity, lets not :)

    Here's wishing u n urs a fabulous n prosperous New Year in 2012.. u're one of the first friends I made here this year, dear :)

    New Year Red :)

  34. Hey left something for you... Do check it out....:-)

  35. simply loved it..."It is so boring and who thought of putting the Map of India showing all the branches of your bank, on the cover page? It sucks!!" hahaha! :):D

  36. Hey Red.. do u have got some planners..? if yes, lemme knw wil mail u my address..:P

    hehehehe.. funny one again.. y does all this happen 2 u btw..?

    Marriage..!!! hmmmmm.. u gonna invite me right..? ;-) :P

  37. he he he bt i love diaries...i can have it if somebody gives me with love ;)

  38. Being a Mallu I can totally understand your plight. Even the diary thing ..Oh my God. About gold..yes ! Even on the day the gold price hit the highest and set a record, the jewellery shops are jam packed ! When I read through your posts about relatives who are in a hurry to get you married and about buying gold for marriage, I think of my own horrible experience. I am slightly relieved I am done with all that. But people still wont stop asking questions u see?

  39. I had similar experiences too, but I loved the diaries and calendars brought back home. He's a travel agent, so he would bring lovely ones from all the major airline companies. Sometimes there would be notepads and pens too! I have a huge collection.

  40. Hi,
    first time visitor.when I saw the blog title-'read handed',I thought this would make for suspenful,thrilling reading!but it has turned out to be totally different- this one seems to be full of wit,satire,sarcasrm...nicely narrated life-experience!

  41. RH,
    I can totally understand the trauma and pain you have to undergo while distributing those ugly, official diaries and calenders every year. Even I have been a victim of this unfortunate annual thing. My dad is a railway officer and I must say that there's nothing as sick as a railway calender.
    This, indeed, is a hilarious post.
    "I hate that diary. It is so boring and who thought of putting the Map of India showing all the branches of your bank, on the cover page? It sucks!" - cracks me up every time I read it. Good job, lady!

  42. hey nice one.. i have same situation in my house.. i have a part of a cupboard with diaries i have never use.
    I do get them from my parents but indirectly people come n give them as complementary gifts on every occasion.
    So u r not only one suffering i m wid u .:)

  43. :P I've always known uncles and aunties who give me those diaries. Actually, I've never had a problem with it.
    I love the smell of a new book and I like to write in it.
    Every year, I get a new diary and tell myself that I'm going to be more organised this year, but it never happens :P

    But I guess I'd be embarrassed if I had to give them to teachers too :P

  44. hahaha..
    well today only we were at SBI branch and we saw some people distributing diaries to employees... and I told my hubby cant we get one..
    I m so fond of those diaries...
    give me one ;)

  45. I guess those calendars and diaries can be a bore; but hey, I go for utility! :D
    So you can send me those, if you don't want them... ;)
    As for the gold biz-ness - Oh yeah! Better invest in it; as you said, being a Mallu does have its downfalls! :S
    Happy New Year to you!

  46. Red , I liked it. What humor! Classy!
    I agree with the gold thing , With sarees , these were the only two things i sometimes saw.
    Map vali line to mast thi yar sahi me

  47. He he he he :)

    Now wondering shud i get one diary he he he

    Have a great day and happy new year to you again and family and everyone around you …


  48. Hahaha awesome as ever mole. :P

  49. lol. so all the best for the next 10-16yrs. and with all your gold guys might now bug u :p
    happy new year :)

  50. Hi Red,

    Once again a comical post :) diaries and calendars... he he he.. My father used to get from many and it will be unused for the whole year :) :) It is like we wont have the place the hang the calendars at our home :P :P also there is a laziness of hanging this ;) :P Wish you a very happy new year :) :)

  51. Haha this made me laugh :P
    I dont think its just Indian parents, my (English/South African parents) can be like that too.

    Happy New Year :P


  52. I was cribbing that no one gave me any new year diaries. I LOVE diaries. I hoard them. I never write in them, but I still collect them. So ya, I'll mail you my address. Courier them to me. :P

  53. Take all that gold and blackmail them, that if they don't want you to melt that gold into something grotesque, better stop burdening you with truckloads of diaries. :P

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  54. :D

    I have seen kids from airforce bringing print papers for rough work and I never understood why do they do that. Now I have :P

    Tamilians buy shite loads of gold too, and I think Delhites too...wait, isn't that an Indian trait?

  55. hahah.....sry to be late came on blogs after many days...not only sbi all the banks have this, my father is in BoB.Come jan and hell lot of claenders and diaries get accumulated.
    i sach all beautiful ones but for whole year i can't deciede where to use those finally next dec it goes into storage.

  56. The last thing you need now is being married to a guy who is related to banking or income tax department. :p

    Living in Kerala is a tragedy. I hear you man! Totally.

  57. haha :D Are your parents really this interesting ?
    I loved your mother earlier, now I love your father too :D
    And yes, send me one too :D

  58. Ha ha ha.. My uncle worked with SBI and this reminded me of his diary visits. :P

    My dad works on various projects so he gets these diaries from different organizations. My activity as a kid would be to sort them out and find the nicest one with the name scribbled somewhere, those diaries which look like the company is ashamed to declare it's name. lol!

    Happy New Year Mole! ;)

  59. Amen for the gold rush!
    Have a great Diary (free) year!

  60. Good lord! Who, in the whole wide world could have imagined that the diary saga can be so hilarious? Now i completely understand why you have like a million comments for each post! you are the blog-equivalent of Jim Carrey!! hehehehe!

    Happy new diary-filled year to you!

  61. Hey, check out my blog. You have an award waiting for you! ;)

  62. I do use a diary at work.I feel quite handicapped without one.So many tasks and so little memory..:D


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