ON BEING FAT

So, I have been putting on weight and when I say it, I mean it. I am dead sure that the world is conspiring against me because I suspect that even drinking water is making me grow in degrees. Fine!! I have been hogging a lot and I blame it on the stale hostel food (read crap). I cannot forbid my mind from being fickle and I cannot make myself diet. I am not the kind who screams on seeing flab maybe because I have got well versed with its existence! I tell you something and I am telling you this after decades of experience. Ok! Not decade but years. Being fat or chubby isn’t all that bad. Offcourse you curse the mirror in the trial room, make yourself believe that it’s the cloth that has shrunk and even start wearing black to camouflage, but still it has some very good effects on you too. Santa Claus was/is fat and he still manages to slide down the chimneys. So here are the top five benefits of being chubby.

1)      Natural Armour- Yes sir!! You will be the last person to get killed in a sword or dagger fight or even a stampede. Your fat will prevent the weapon from reaching your vital organs and thus adds some years more to your chunky existence. During a stampede when people manage to climb the hill (You), you will survive it like a warrior. Your fat just takes the form of a cushion guarding your insides. In case you have a car accident, your tummy tyres would become your own personal airbag!

2)      Never the one missing- You will be the last person missing from your group. No one will ever say ‘Hey have you seen him/her?’. You can be easily detected anywhere you go. In other words, you will never be forgotten. Your existence can be traced out even if there are hundreds of homosapiens around you. 

3)      First served- You are given V.I.P treatment at the eating joints. Your food is served first, with extra toppings and if lucky enough, even a complimentary. Even if your lean friend gorges thrice your eating capacity, still it is you who is the princess and it is you my love you gets the second, third, fourth serving. 

4)      Brand New Outlook - Since you are at risk of getting yourself killed due to every other disease known to mankind. Since your dinosaur of a waistline makes you prone to heart-attacks, blood pressure and even diabetes, you look at life with exhilaration. You live everyday as if its your last and the world seems like a big warm Donut dipped in chocolate sauce. You keep hogging and being your lazy self, yet treasuring it all in your belly.

5)      Reserved Seat- You are never the one who is forced to share a seat. While the anorexic concave cheeked friends of yours have to manage with two posteriors in a seat, you get to relax and have one just for yourself. 

Whom am I kidding??!! If any of you actually fell for this imprudent list, I am deeply sorry to burst your bubble. There is nothing good about being fat, and I should beat the Lazy demon within me black and blue and put on those dusty running shoes. Procrastination is still running circles in my head!!!

P.S- I am planets away from being PRECIOUS. (Refer to the image below i.e if she manages to fit in the page)

Image courtesy- dbxforums.com