Homosapiens and
Homosexuality have that little ‘Homo’ in common. Does that in any way mean that
there is a little Homo person hidden inside my skin somewhere??
Back in my early school
days, when life was innocently wrapped in a green pinafore frock and when black
ribbons where the smartest thing ever, the bird and the bee were never of the
same gender. A boyfriend had a girlfriend while the girlfriend had a boyfriend
and the rest like me where stealing 2 Rupees out of dad’s pocket for a daily dose
of samosa from the school canteen.
Life was not complicated in any sexed up way.
I was in 7th
grade when I had a massive fight with my tiffin friend and was forced to find
myself a new friend to share my tiffin box with during the school break (When
your mother gives you idli chutney
almost every day for lunch, you need to find new means). And there on the
school playground I found my new tiffin friend in the form of a fair girl, wearing
a longer pinafore than mine and socks held firm to her middle calf with the
help of rubber bands. So amazingly smart!!!! The rubber band technique for the
socks was a sure winner in my books. She let me have her lunch, gave me rubber
bands to keep my socks high and sometimes even bought me 2 Rs sip-ups during
the summer days. She was everything I was looking for until I was proven otherwise
one Friday the 13th. It was the school craft exhibition and she held my hand as
I displayed the flowers I made out of Old milk packets to the parents visiting
the exhibition. Though I felt quiet weird about it, I let her do so for she had
promised to buy me a samosa later for
lunch. Yes I was a food slut (ignore was). But I will never forget how later
that day she asked me if she could come to the toilet with me because she
wanted to be with me everywhere I went. Hell broke loose and with a force
greater than all the avengers combined, I fled back to my old tiffin friend and
dumped this girl out. Sadly the routine smuggling of 2 Rs from Dad’s pocket was
initiated yet again.
I still remember how
once during our school assembly, I fell sick and decided to go sit in the classroom
and silently chew on the Methi Paratha
that my tiffin friend had got on that day. But what should have been a guilty
indulgence turned out to be my first real life kiss experience. Real life being
mine and kiss experience being between two other girl classmates of mine. I
stood there watching them because you got to be kidding me if you say that you
wouldn’t. Hell, two girls were kissing behind the class cupboard!!! SPICY!
Have you ever been
attracted to someone your own gender? Not attraction in the form of wanting to
hit the bed with them but in a way that you would want them to talk only to
you? Some crazy crush way. I had this super girl crush to this macho chick in
my class. It was around that time when Amrita
and Isha Kopikar’s Girlfriend movie
hit the Bolly and the Bajrang Dal
guys had made Poster tearing their vocational sport. Lesbianism became a huge
topic and I suddenly thought I was a lesbian. Such was my devotion towards her.
I used to be on bed and imagine myself touching her. And then I would go barf
my guts out. I even watched a few lesbian kisses on youtube and no I would
never kiss a girl or knead her Pompoms! I was a confirmed non lesbian.
During college life
after being almost kissed by a lesbian hostel maid, after being pinched on the
butt by a chick in the bus and after being winked at by a woman traffic police,
I am all cool with this whole Gay rave! In this time when being gay is the new
Fashion, where being a lesbian makes you a rebel, thus super cool and where
everyone wants a new gay best friend, I guess it’s time I brought my apologies
out.
Dear dumped tiffin
friend, I am sorry for being such a jerk. I wonder where you are these days and
whether you finally found a chick who would let you inside the toilet. I apologize
for dumping you. We could have remained friends (without the added benefits). And I really do miss those free samosas.
Dear classmates I
caught in the middle of a feisty behind-the-cupboard make out. I apologize for
spreading the gossip in the whole school which eventually got you both suspended.
One of you recently got married (to a guy) and is my facebook friend. Thankyou
for those frequent facebook pokes.
That said, who knows
what happens next. I support the whole concept of being gay for it’s a personal
sexual preference. But would you have accepted it like say 50 years ago? Would
you hit the streets to support its legalisation? This makes me think, what if
incest becomes a cool thing after say 30 years. Are our moral stands breaking
loose? Feed me your thoughts!!
P.S- I ordered a cake to celebrate my parents silver marriage anniversary. Thank God it was not 'WAR'.
