The number of times I
have slept off in an open courtroom is not something I can openly disclose.
Especially considering the fact that it was just 3 months back that I was
christened a lawyer, it is impressive how I have not yet been ousted for
contempt of court.
Every day, I wriggle
into my coat, tie the inverted ‘peace’ signed plastic collar around my neck,
wear my lawyer’s gown and make my way to the courthouse. I then move into the
room where my client’s case would be heard, and the fact that my client is
missing in action, amuses me. I sit on the last bench of the court room with
dozens of lawyers, nonchalantly going through their case papers, teaching their
clients what to speak on oath like a parent preparing a kid for a school
entrance interview. I am transported to the land of black and white cinema, with
white shirt inside black gowns floating around, the white painted walls and the
wooden floors darkened by the shadows of the lawyer robes, forlorn faces,
destitute faces, but minus the Bollywood background song to break this
monotony. I fall asleep.
The hammer becomes my
alarm bell and I am forced to stand up as the Judge enters, which by the way
gives me a moment to stretch my way out of slumber. This is when you notice how
we are greatly influenced by the Chinese courtesy, as all the lawyers young,
old and antique bend forward to look at their boots as a mark of respect to the
judge. The judge ignores us all without a smile, sits down and the court
session begins.
My case is called and I
startle back to reality. I just came here to adjourn a case which my senior
said is a piece of cake. I bow, call the judge various names (in honour that
is), sneer and successfully get the adjournment. I turn back to the lawyer’s desk
placed right behind me to sign on a document before submitting it to the court.
Suddenly the entire
court room goes “HAWWWWW!!!” but I continue to sign the document enjoying the
symphony in their tone. That is when another lawyer half my height and twice my
weight nudges me and introduces to me the eleventh commandment.
‘Thou
shalt never show thy ass to the Judge’.
I stood straight and in
a manner that only a contortionist can, signed the document and walked away
mutely as the entire court looked at the ‘SINNER’ me.
Why cannot I show my
ass to the judge? Especially when it has layers of cloth covering it and a
Dracula gown hiding the curve like a curtain. Why take an ass so seriously? I
was just signing a document not giving a strip show. In Logon ki Condition Serious Hai!
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| How I want to Look Like |
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| How I Look Like |
I wonder what this
court house will look like with a little bit of color or a Saturday ‘WEAR-WHATEVER-YOU-WANT-MAN’
day. It is not like I murdered somebody, my client did (NOT). So why cannot I
go to court in pink and purple and let him mourn in black and white. I wonder how it would feel if I could show my
ass to the judge while signing the document and not have to walk away from the
podium like a rejected devotee leaving the temple or like a video on rewind. I
wonder how breezy it would be to walk around the court in simple suits like in
the west, than have to drag myself wearing a black ‘SAUNA’
Never knew that Justice
can only be rendered wearing black and white. Maybe it is because lies can only
be told in black or white. I wonder all this as I doze off awaiting my next
case hearing.
Lawyers ki Condition
Serious hai. Cadbury 5 Star, inject us all!!
This post is written for Indiblogger Cadbury Five Star contest - Condition Serious Hai.
