WOMEN CAN'T DRIVE....

 It’s not that I have anything against women, especially since I belong to that particular field of chromosomes, but I adhere to the general notion that women folks can’t drive. There are certain things which women can do and men cant. For example, blame everything on PMS. Similarly, there are certain things which men can do which women can’t and that is drive a vehicle the way it should be. 

Now since exceptions are a part of life, there can be women like Danica Patrick or Desiré Wilson who is the only woman to win a Formula One race of any kind till date. But that was back in the 1980’s! Now illustrated below are the few of the many reasons why women can’t drive.

1) Heel Tragedy- Women prefer to present their very best form, wherever they go and an essential part of this feel good about yourself factor, is the shoes you adorn your feet with. High Heels might look super sexy, but when it comes to its relationship with car brakes or accelerator, it screams anarchy. But my Amma has a solution for this and that is to remove those heels before you start the ignition. Almost feels like it’s a holy ritual to drive!

2) Rear-View Mirror dysfunction- The rear view mirror which is normally installed in the car so as to be able to keep a check on the cars following, assumes the role of a make-up mirror. The woman slides into the driving seat, adjusts the rear-view mirror in a way that her face or her pouty lips are visible and drives the car with more than half of her concentration on her smudged eyeliner. 

3) Multitasking- Women are generally called the multitasking connoisseurs, but sometimes, they abuse the privilege a bit too much and in areas they shouldn’t be. Women care too much about not returning a text or ignoring a call because rudeness even if you are driving is not acceptable. Even if the reply is as stupid as ‘OMG’, ‘SRSLY?’, ‘LOL’, there just has to be a reply to every message that comes our way. 

4) Just Cant Park- Women may be able to drive far safely than men on an open highway, but when it comes to parking, the chances of them hitting a dormant car, or a wall is beyond the normal probability level. Reversing is just not our forte. There is a scientific reason backing me up, which Google pointed out. 

5) Dolls Over Cars- Car servicing is the last thing a woman will consider, even is the vehicle reacts with a smoking engine, unusual blare etc. Men get an adrenaline rush when it comes to cars and long drives, but for women, they rather enjoy the view or drive just for the sake of reaching the destination. Women are built that way. Blame it on the genes. 

But look at the brighter side of life. When it comes to driving, being a woman has its own perk. A smile accompanied by some eyelid fluttering is enough to ward off the cops. People will always hold a soft corner towards you if you happen to be the woman in a road accident, even if it was your fault. You will be rushed towards by a crowd to be helped because you just got your knee scratched, while the man you hit might be having a haemorrhage. Also, women might be bad with maps, but they aren’t stubborn bulldogs like the men when it comes to asking for directions. When men try to listen to their nonexistent sixth sense, women merely roll the glass down and ask for directions.

P.S- Don’t hate me for writing this. I am out of topics so thought of writing something just to back up the men folk with the stereotype they hold against women. It’s absurd for sure!

P.P.S- I have a driving licence which enables me to drive a four wheeler. The fact that I have never driven a car on road didn’t matter when I was given the licence. The only time I have driven a car was after I got the licence and that too a Maruti 800 belonging to the driving school which I drove on an open ground during which a tree surprised me by coming in my way!

Image Courtesy- dyn.quickmeme.com

THE ENDLESS LIST

So I was walking down the lane and this random thought pops up in my head. Why not make a list of the things you dislike. The list can never be completed but why not jot down what comes in my mind at that point of time. So it goes like this (Something you really shouldn’t bother giving a glance too… a piece of psychotic mind)

I HATE (Subject to additions in like every 5 min)

1) Seeing fake branded underwear’s on the street side. Like this mallu (the slang is cool right :P) edition of the brand JOCKEY. Here it’s JOCKAY. Like your Southey comrades have an “AY” added to the end of every normal sounding English word and others. BABAY,MOLAY, EVIDAY, POGANDAY…and so on. How to forget the version for PUMA here. It’s POMA. God ghastly!!!!

2) Runny Vanilla Ice-cream, I can deal with any other almost melted ice-cream but not Vanilla for Christ sake! Yes you can blame my ugly mind for thinking titled and twisted. (If you even know what I mean. I direct you to glance at point 20 before coming to a conclusion)

3) Black nail polish. Now what’s with them chicks wearing that colour on their finger and toe nail? Its like being EMO and GOTH (I never get the difference between the two) is now the IN thing. It rarely suits the Indian tone!

4) People acting like they know stuff. When you are trying to explain or tell things to someone and they pose and give their opinion as if they hold a degree regarding the topic. In real the opinions they voiced is worth killing the person hearing it.

5) Never having enough money in your purse. Now that’s like something I live with. Money is never enough especially for a girl of my age and a person of my lifestyle. ( Hoping that one day the saying Money on trees does come true and money plant really does produce crisp green paper)

6) Hearing your roommate COOCHYCOO with her boyfriend while you are having cold war with yours that night. Jealousy is the other name for it.

7) Bhojpuri Movies and music- The worst movie you can ever come across with the weirdest names. Dont be surprised if you come across songs with title "SANIA MIRJA KA NICKAR" or movie title as "DOOBTI NADI MEIN TAIRTI LAASH" :P

8) Having a bad hair day. My hair is hard to manage and it’s a nightmare to get up early morning and finding random straws standing on your head.

9) Not getting my expectations met up to. I have this disorder and the main reason behind me having an ugly head. I expect a lot and rarely are they ever met.

10) Emotional Blackmails. Especially by your mother pouring out crocodile tears to make you behave the way she wants.

11) Having my Chocolate Bar finished and licked off in a moment of time. I hate it!! Why cannot it last like till I get completely satisfied. If magic was a reality!!

12) Fat DOSAS and APPAMS. I like them crispy and browny!! DAMN YOU hostel DOSA!!

13) Clothes not ironed. So I have an explanation for this. I am a VIRGO. I hope that explains my urge for clean and crisp things. Hostel has been capable of changing me a bit though.

14) PIMPLES. God I hate having a pimple and I hate seeing people with too much pimple on their face. I know it’s rude but that’s how my system works.

15) EGG WHITE. I have no clue but they give a pukish sensation to me. I like breaking boiled egg cover but I can’t imagine eating an egg white of a boiled egg. They remind me of a human cheek (don’t ask me the relation).

16) JUSTIN BEIBER and HIMESH RESHAMIYA. I dislike them both equally. The first ones a kid who is yet to step into a sexually active life and is already singing adult stuffs his mother probably writes. The other one is like a re incarnation of a wolf. (OMG!!A manwolf with fake hair)

17) COLLEGE. I hate my college and its classes. The only reason I go there is because I have my mobile phone and net for company.

18) My Laziness. I need to get out of my cocoon and shed some weight and control my sweet tooth.

19) Present state of HIPHOP. Everything is commercial and T-PAINish these days. The real rap skills are drowning under the marshes of commercialism.

20) MILK and MILK products (except ice-cream and milk pedas off course). I hate white stuffs (excluding the basic staple food rice). Now that explains the runny vanilla hater. (damn you pervert people)

21) HAIRY PEOPLE WITH HAIRY UNDERARMS. A basic body razor costs 45 bucks if you can’t afford waxing.

22) SMELLY PEOPLE. Especially when you are travelling in a public transport like a bus and the lady standing beside you with her hands up to grasp the balance handle and you can smell rotten egg or sometimes get even a decomposing rat smell. Jeeez!!! Thank you santoor for coming out with cheep perfumes. The situation is better now.

23) People with Oily hair that it nearly drips. What the fuck are they thinking?? IRAQ and AMERICA can fight over the oilfield she has on her head.

24) Woman who really depict the BHOOTNIES (villains) of a Television SOAP. Especially those kind who love to transmit news like an ALL INDIA RADIO and if that’s not enough even make up new stories (for them the reason is the recession in the gossip market)

25) C I D (the television series). I think I was 7 years old when this series started. The man in it has the same old expression throughout (expressed in a better way he looks like he just farted and can smell it..gross!). I am talking about ACP Pradyuman (o whteva). Sony channel is like airing that 24*7 or atleast whenever I switch on to it. Damn that old man and his worthless pimps.

Now that I realise that the list has already touched 25 things, its better I stop. The list has many more stuffs to be added but blogspot might sue me for the longest blog ever. An ugly head hates a lot of things. Mind it!! Btw just saying that MIND IT reminded me of Rajnikant. Try playing his movies in mute and voice your own dialogues. You will love it!