I think the Universe is hinting
me the reason as to why my life is so screwed up. Since I don’t go with the
whole Bad Karma from the previous birth lashing it down on me in this one,
there has to be another theory regarding my catastrophic existence. So today I
was comfortably placed on the couch and eating pasta out of a bowl artistically
placed on my belly while switching channels on the TiVo. HBO, the messenger of
God for me now was airing the movie ‘The Gods Must Be Crazy’ and I decided to
settle for it. The movie was nearing its end and it appeared to be about two little
African kids with protruding tummies wearing ancient thongs. The eyes where
fixed on the screen while the mind was suddenly infected by an elusive idea as
to why my life is not proceeding as planned.
My mother was the one who taught
me to pray and that too to do it real hard. I was taught this one particular prayer
even before the words in that prayer made sense to me. The prayer was directed
to a South Indian Hindu God my family piously follows and the subject of the
prayer was to show me the right path, to bestow upon the world happiness, peace
to prevail among the people around me and also a nightmare free sleep to me.
The prayer started and ended with the name of that particular God. Let us for
the purpose of this story call the referred God as ‘X’. Now this prayer stuck
to me like a dry cough that never goes away. Be it the temple of any of the
million Hindu Gods or even the Church, I always repeated the same
anti-nightmare prayer directed to God ‘X’ before all of them. This might be the
reason why the God’s are so pissed off with me.
Now consider this, your name is
say Obama and you hold the top rank in your country. You receive a mail from a
plebeian referring you as Manmohan Singh, who also holds a top mute rank in his
country. At the first instance you will forward the mail to Mr Manmohan Singh,
ignoring the misjoinder of your name in the mail. But when the mails keep
pouring in and all of them are terming you as Mr Manmohan Singh, you feel that
it is on purpose and you get really angry. You stop forwarding the mails to Mr
M and eventually you block the emailing bimbo. God’s must have ego clashes
too!!
Thus, none of my prayers ever
reached God X, for the place I live at lacks a temple of that God ‘X’, the
South Indian Mallu God. I am the emailing bimbo for the rest of the gazillion
Gods. Hence the baseless life, the thoughtless action, the stagnant existence,
the spiceless reality and the nightmare ruled sleep.
Don’t call me nuts for when you
are stuck on a boat with the sails missing and you can see that it is rapidly
moving towards a life threatening waterfall, you too will come up with ideas
however absurd as to why are you in that horrendous situation at the first
place. I did the same.
P.S- In other news, I am an awesome cook!!Also I am a narcissist.
P.P.S- I hate dentists! Must visit one today. Fuck you cavity!!!
