Sunday 20 November 2011


My bum is not in its pink of health and happiness. Sitting has become a major challenge now, much to the happiness of my mother who believes that your Butt-cheeks expand if you sit for long. I have not tried to research using Google in this regard because I have much better things to do like falling down the stairs while humming the tune of Himesh Reshamiya’s latest ‘I MISS YOU LIKE MANGO’.

So I fell and my brother ran to my rescue, atleast that is what I like to believe though the nincompoop was much more interested to scrutinize if any cracks had developed on the staircase as a result of my butt touching the stairs in a banging manner. The Russell Peters dialogue ‘BE A MAN’ hit my head and I applied MOVE on my left butt-cheek, followed by getting ready to hit the gym where my OH SO GAY trainer awaits to make me feel like a guinea pig running inside the wheel in a chemistry lab.

I forbade myself from squeezing my own ass due to the immense pain while walking and reached the gym after driving almost standing on my humble Activa. To my greatest happiness my trainer was on leave and another trainer with a butt which might make Jennifer Lopez insecure took the opportunity to instruct me for the day. His CHIHUAHUA face made me feel that he would be lenient and that today’s working out would be like finishing up a piece of chocolate truffle, quick and easy. But you know God has made me his source of comical entertainment and he loves to point at me and laugh. The JLo butt trainer was actually a CHIHUAHUA with the soul of a Rottweiler and he made me run for 25 min straight, followed by spin bike for 20 min and other machines for an hour. I was in the gym for 2 hours and he wanted me to stay back for half an hour more. Now no one can blame me for bringing up the excuse of my (long back expired) Grandfather’s sudden need to visit the doctor, whose appointment has already been taken. 

I returned home and rubbed my aching left butt-cheek in the presence of my family and threw myself on the bed, crashing on my stomach. My brother had already spread the news of me almost cracking the staircase with my butt and my mother was demanding her right to see my 22 yr old Thunder Bum. Now she is someone who wouldn’t bless me with Pin drop silence until I give her what she wants and in this case, it was the view of my YOU-KNOW-WHAT. I took her to my room, closed the door as my Grandmother too tried to come for the viewing ceremony and allowed my mother to see what she wanted to see. After close introspection she said something which will remain in my head for a long time, even if it is not forever.

She said “ Your left butcheek looks like Akon’s Face now"

P.S- I am typing this while standing. The blood clot has reduced considerably but still makes me wince as I sit. Sunday is GYM holiday and I am giving my Bum the rest it deserves.

P.P.S- My brother today bought Lakme Perfect Radiance Fairness cream worth 175 bucks. He is 14 yr old. He now wants to buy OLAY men’s solution and asked me to give my opinion in this regard. All I could suggest to him was ‘Become a Man first my little boy’.


  1. heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
    i never knew the butt cheeks expand on sitting..!!
    awwwwwwwwwwww u poor thing..fell from stairs..
    you know i have a very colorful history of bumping into things and falling royally in front of the whole world..:D:D
    so yes..things on my body keep turning purple and red every now and then..:D stood on the bike and rode..aww..
    a sore bum is exactly..a sore bum :D:D just like that gayyyyyy gym uncle eh :P

    and and and..ur amma said what??????????!!!!!!!
    bwahahahhahaa..i sooooooo love her sense of humour now..!!

    ooooo..your lil bro..taking care of his skin so well..!!
    masstt..i have to learn from him now:D:D

    tc my love..and get well to shake your bum soon...
    khi khi khi


  2. hahahha LOL..Be A MAN first..YOU NOE WAT..this is what I tell my little cousin brother all the time..and this line really annoys him chooooooooo much..and he's 14 too and trying to get the FAIR and lovely fairness skin..influenced by the gals..:/

    and the ''Your left butcheek looks like Akon’s Face now'' is epic..:P

    and it seemed that you are having FUN MOMENTS in gym...gosh

  3. Awwww....I was just thinking that it would be a slight blood clot, but Akon's face! :O Bwahahahahah! Shyts! Get well soon Red! No, I mean get well soon, Red's bum ;) :D :*

  4. hahahahahahahaha.. Lol... B e a Man..!!! Luv tht..!!! so hwz ur butt cheek dng nw..? :P :P


  5. So this sense of humor is passed on from Mother India is it Red :P... I hope all the effort your taking in the gym, rather people are making you take in the gym pays of and you get to star in the next Himesh waala movie ;)....Tell your bro to use Veeeeecoooo...tell him he has to sing the song also each time he uses it. Free entertainiment for you while your butt rests :D

  6. Hahaha! Cheers to your mom's humour timing and your brother's craze quotient. They make great fodder for your posts! :P

    Give my regards to Akon. :D

  7. rofl :) I ve become a big fan of u , Red :)

    Loved : "you left butcheek looks like Akon's face now " :) u rock ...

  8. @Meowww- My bum is better than before now my girl and my brother already bought the OLAY mens solution :P. I hope he finds the solution he wants.
    @The other side of me-FUN MOMENTS??!!!R u you trying to marinate my wound??? r u young lady :(
    @Crystal - Ghehehe thanks!
    @MSM- Red's Bum says that it will take some more time :P. Thanks my lovely
    @Raghu- Better than before :P..ehehe
    @The Dragon in the skin of a goat- :P Himesss moviee??meee??? OH MY JEEJUS!!! Me blushing !!
    @Loony-My mom has pathetic sense of humour :(..and Akon winks at u :P
    @Hari Kumar- Hey!! thankyou sire!!!!! That was a generous comment!

  9. ha ha..

    Your left butcheek looks like Akon’s Face now" //

    this line was really funny btw..

    yu rite pretty well,i must say...
    get well soon...

  10. u and peevee are back...YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:-D

  11. hehe! love ur posts red handed. Though, i feel sorry for you(r)(bum)!
    it looks like akon's face! hahahaha, couldn't control my laughter on this!
    get well soon girl! :)


  12. Oh God I could feel the pain while reading my dear!! How is it now after the rest it deserved? And seriously these guys buy a lot more cosmetics than us girls now! My brother takes an hour to dress up, while I just take a maximum of half an hour!! He stands in front of the mirror for nearly 15 minutes!! I mean come on!!!

  13. Awww you poor thing. Do take care and rofl @ the Akon joke! :D Awww <33

  14. woah...!
    i pity thy butt thy lefty butt i shall pray for its well being :)
    and the last statement was omg
    the reply to your bro was omg
    the another trainer butt description was omg
    this was awesome :) a complete paisa wasssooool post
    i am clapping ryt now..! :)

  15. Oh my God! Poor you! Get well soon dear. But the way you wrote about your bum-hurting story, couldn't help laughing.

  16. Hahhah! :))
    I know, its really rude to laugh!! But sorry!! :)))
    Akon's face! Hahaha!

    get well soon! :)

  17. Red aunty when did you actually disappear that people are referring to your come back? Chandana said you were going away, this Rahul says your back, what is the happenings? And Himmu's movie you and Divya will be lead heroines fighting over him and he will sign in that oh-so-nasly voice of his 'Zara nazerien milao umraoon jaan' to both of you. May the better bum win :P

  18. :P :P Your mom is funny :D :D.. And what's with these kid brothers and face obsession?? Even my bro is all the time asking me about skin products :P :P

    Get well soon Red and I m lying as I m writing this as I don't want my butt cheek to expand sitting :D :D :D

  19. I am sorry, I am laughing loud!!! :D :D
    Gurl, I've never read these kind of comparisons.. You are funny!!
    Get well soon!

  20. Really Hilarious :) :) .Viewing Ceremony HA..HA.Keep up the gud work :):).And TC :)

  21. Awesome Post :) :) Excuse me for laughing at you :) :).Keep up the good work and TC :)

  22. @NikhiMenon- hey thankyou soo much..Pretty well eh? That was really sweet of u
    @Rahul- I did not go anywhere :D.
    @Isha- My bum is getting back its normal colour :P Thankyu so much!
    @Life a holic- Only u did not laugh at this. Tight hug missy! and bout the brother thing..seriously!!!!!!!! How can they become wht even I am not!
    @Dawnzhang- thankyou love :)
    @Suvaiba- Let me clap with u :P. hehehehehe. Paisa vasool ho gaye reee!!! My bum is better now!
    @Keirthana- I did want it to sound funny. :( heheh but I guess I am glad u laughed
    @The Blue Periwinkle- Ha lo :P....Sb haste hai mere bum pe :(
    @The Dragon in the skin of a goat- I really do not know! I was here only....bus ek week post nahi kiya but I visited almost every blog :P
    @Sameera- I will :)
    @Maithili- Good!! Do not sit, buttcheeks expand ho jayega beti :P
    @Pria Rao- Thankyou ever soooooooooooooooo much!
    @Bharath- Viewing ceremony..hehehehehe :P U dont have a blog link sirjee?

  23. Nope I dont have one.Maybe a few months or years later i shall start writing .For now i enjoy reading stories :):)

  24. Wow do they really expand? Oh my God.. I dint know that as I was writing boring software code all day my butt is expanding at the same time...oh no what a catastrophic series of events. The world is not a good place to live u see. Oh no now I am all tensed . I should occassionally stand up. hmm..

    And Akon? LOL . Cool ! My mother probably has not even heard of him :D

  25. pffttt hahahahha ! Yes I know I should just say get well soon first but I can't hide my laughter here..
    Akon's face ? :P hahahah :P

    so now, take care of your personal akon's face :P:)

  26. U have nice blog... :)

    Visit my blog--> Stay Blessed

  27. Once again a laugh riot of a post :) Even during the days when you are unwell :) :P "Your left butcheek looks like Akon’s Face now" Was an awesome quote and really your mom has a nice sense of humour :) i think that has transpired into you so that you are too humorous in your posts... again a good post inspite of you having a lot of pain :P :P Whatever happens in life happens for good :) :) He he

  28. whoa!! whattay post. I cant stop laughing. How is your Akon's face like bum now. All fine Eh? :P

  29. Haha. Akon face? Oh-kay. Hehe. This is the funniest I have read in a long long time. Hope you can sit soon. Rumor has it that life is quite a breeze when it passes you by while you are sitting down..

  30. I don't know whats more funny, your mom's AKON comment or your narration :)
    Either ways I had a good laugh :)

  31. Typing while standing. Make sure to keep the laptop/desktop at a slightly higher spot..otherwise..that part of body between the Akon's face and your head will give trouble too.. :P

    Take Care :)

  32. hawwwwww, too bad.who knows the two trainers are seeing each other and they have planned it all ;) and about your you know what, use pillows while sitting.tried and tested ;)

  33. poor u..................hope u r well now.....
    this post was hilarious :)
    take care dear

  34. Been there, done that wrt not being able to sit because of swelling on the hind owing to being given birthday bums.

    Try some icing, ironic as it sounds, it does give relief.

    ROFLMAO at your mother's comment, poor Akon no mother in India seems to like him.

  35. Lol!! Ur posts always crack me up! :P Too good.

  36. Akon's face???? Haha !!! Hope your butt heals soon :P
    Your brother is indeed funny :D

  37. Bwahahahaha!!! oh!!! Must be very painful no??
    I laughed...sorry...but...hahahaha...u r a funny gal!!!
    "Viewing ceremony!!!" Hahahahaha!!
    Get well soon dear....
    I didn't know Butt-cheeks expand when we sit a lot...I didn't know you call it butt-CHEEK!

  38. LOL!!! Take care of your butt:P And is the staircase safe and sound?;) Just curious, is your brother just 14???:P

  39. hehehehehe... "CHIHUAHUA face" was hilarious ;)
    waise what else can I say except I loved the post (although you wouldn't like it)...
    Get well soon honey.. LOL..

  40. LOL dear, the butt affair looks quite amusing. And, how much you reduced???

    I think guys have more fantasy for cosmetics than girls these days:)

  41. @Bharath- Make tht soon! I c u recently made a blogger profile.
    @Anita Jayan Sandeep- Thanks to CHAMMAK CHALO, my mother finally knows who AKON is. Now she is one step closer to being called COOL.
    @Priyanka Kamath- I definitely shall my lovely :D..He is now chris brown :P
    @Asma Khan- Try a better approach next time pls. Thanks. I shall visit u.
    @Ravishankar- Hhahahah thanks for being a regular reader. Yes everything does happen for good. My butt is better now btw :D
    @The Dreamer- I can say that it is better :P...doesnt look like Akon now :P
    @Zeba- I still sit with a wince, but yes better than before :P
    @Purvi- I am glad u laughed senorita!!!:)
    @Atrocious SCribblings- U mean the Akons face and My face? heheh Yes Thankfully I can sit now :P
    @Ria- M glad as always :)
    @Philo- He is funny in a very tragic manner :P
    @Manju M- BUTTCHEEK ONLY :p And viewing ceremony!! SIGH!!!
    @Cloud Nine- yes 8 yrs difference between me n him :P
    @Madhulika- Laughing at my expense eh? Hhahah M happy eitherway :P. Somehting good out of my misery :D
    @Saru Singhal- I just reduced one kg :( buhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu

  42. An entertaining read...keep up d gud work!!!

  43. I had read all your really deserved appreciation..couldn comment without having a profile so created one and then posted comments :) :)

  44. see my 22 yr old Thunder Bum. Hahaha. This line. Haha. EPIC
    I can imagine the embarrassment. Mom is still fine, I once had to visit the doctor for an injection and he refused to inject it in my arm, said it had to be done on thy bum. Yes. And I was 19 yrs old then. Pheww.

    Akon's face? I hope Akon doesnt read that and die of mental trauma.

  45. i don't know if its non fiction then you are realy a great observer .and put accurate analogies to them....and if its fiction then you have a gareat gift of i am one of your follower go girl.....

  46. @Saptadeep- Thankyou :)
    @The Life-a-holic- :D heh
    @Bharath- That was really something!! I am honoured :)
    @Nia Charms-Oh those tetanus bum injections!! How I hate those :P...I too hope Akon doesnt read this :P
    @A guilty conscience- Sadly it is non fiction :(... Thanks for following me!

  47. Aww, you poor thing. Well, you must be happy to know that at least an Akon-look alike butt cheek does not rob you of your sense of humour. Nice post! Get well soon.

  48. i bet ur butt is lot more cutter now tat it looks like akon ha ha ha ah ah
    wait i have more
    is it goin to belle dance to akons belly dance too ???,,,,ok may b the last joke was may b a lil sad but mocking u was so fun ,tat i cudn resist writtin it down ,,,,, ,,,, ha ha ha ha ha !!!

  49. Ok, it seems life is hitting right on the butt!! :D First was that gay instructor, then a temporary new one.. and ya, not to mention the Akon's face like butt :D

    Amazing post!!

    Binu Thomas.
    Bloggers Park

  50. Hope you recover soon! Your gym seems to be a real pain in the wrong place :P
    And as usual, hilarious post- especially the 'viewing ceremony' part :D

  51. oho-yeh gym hain ya mad house...who makes a person work out for two hours?????????
    i am seriously doubting their credibility now!

    and your poor butt-my condolences to Akon:-)
    brothers are a curious lot-my brother came up to me when he was in class 9 and asked me "what's a fuck?" and i didn't know what to say then-some fifteen years i guess you should be prepared for more to come!:-)

  52. Wow, talk bout bein the butt of so many jokes..:)

    Butt I'm sure Akon will not exactly be amused :)

    N u lucky bum! u still manage to still ass-osciate urself with the gym so consistently.. jealous now!!

    Hope u rear urself back to better health soon Red :)

  53. Oh! Now that doesn't sound very good, though it was funny :D Hihihi riding the bike, in a standing posture, some uncles do that :D hihi

    I hope you feel better....once I slipped in a trekk trip and had a giant blood clot on my left or right, I don't remember which one, but I thought this may remain and people will later identify my dead body with that....but, it vanished in time...

    <3 hugs and keep well..

  54. @Sumitra- My life is a comedy circus can I not be humorous :P
    @Amnn.......//1! Hhahah For your info, Akon is now chris brown :D...And u laughing at my dare youuuuuuuuu! :D
    @Binu Thomas- Bad things happen to good people like me :( :P
    @Krishna Shruti srivalsan- Seriously the viewing ceremony ws just sooooooooooooooooooo embarrassing
    @Suruchi- My brother already knows all that. I think I will have to ask him questions... SIGH!!
    @R-A-J- I am forced to ass-ociate with the gym :( wat to do, papaji payed the entire money at one go!
    @TheBluntBlogger-Dead body!! Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....Thats as superr funny! hahaha OMG!

  55. Hahahahaha! How to do manage to have everything so funny in your life :))) (wait, am not serious, its only the surface that we blogger friends know!)...

    And Akon's face!!! rolf...

  56. hahahaha!!! now I know where you get your sense of humour!! Awesome mom! And please stop writing such posts ... now my whole body is aching from ROFL!! Loved it!!

  57. @Siddhartha Joshi- I do have a funny life, but yes...we all have darkness in our lives too...Some just smile thru it :P
    @Nirvana- Hheheh thankyou, a lovely comment does give me a boost up!

  58. :P he he... happens happens... ur bro buying the wrong mens solution :P ha ha... sorry :P

    and sorry u feel hope u feel better soon...

    Take care and keep writing..........

  59. God bless your you know what !!!
    happens !!
    PS : I hate beauty creams !!

  60. LOL...good humour..well written:)

    Talking of butt, the malayalam word for butt is "chanthi". I dont know why that word always sounded creepy to me. I wonder why they couldnt come up with a better sounding word, after all it is an attractive part of the body!!
    I find it embarassing if anyone in the family or friends use this word. My mom, even though sophisticated and english speaking has no qualms in using this malayalam word. Whenever she uses this word I tell her "mom it is not proper etiquette and sounds creepy". But she just doesnt find the word distasteful.

    The other day I was telling her about my gym workouts and just to embarass me she looked at my backside and said"its working, your chanthi has reduced"

    "Your left buttcheek looks like Akon’s Face now", unlike my mom I hope your mom said this in english :)


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