Tuesday 8 November 2011


Ladies and Gentlemen! Yes finally it happened. The birds have started to fly upside down I guess and the Sun will soon start rising from the west. Now anything is possible and by anything I mean every damn thing.

Red Handed has finally stepped inside a gym for the first time in her life and the credits goes to her sheer willpower and want for the perfect body. Fine A-holes! It was because my Father dragged me to the gym because my Mother was continuously pressuring the poor man to do so. The gym package is for 1 and a half months since I am at home only for that much time and the package includes normal gym workout, cardio, aerobics, power yoga, personal trainer, steam bath, spa, and a dietician. Yes my Family wants me slim and extra trim!
I was going to throw one of my legendary temper tantrums but the personal trainer walked in and my jaw got displaced because it really touched the good Mother Earth. He is the definition of the word S-E-X-Y. Height above 6, Brad Pitt from Troy body, Chocolate colour, an eyebrow piercing and a dazzling white smile to go with the whole poem of a man. I somehow managed my evident mouth watching since my father was present, who now was interviewing him. The voice!!! What a voice!! A husky sexy voice he had that can melt your soul and my jaw started its nonsense again. 

My Dad left and I was left with my sexy hulk. I pushed myself beyond my limits and did not show a tinge of fatigue even after spending 15 min on a machine which I say should be banned for the face of Earth. I did everything he asked me to do and I did not even drink water, just to show my strength. I even touched my toe without bending my knees just to hear a ‘VERY GOOD’ and unlike my usual cursing spree I did not even say a delicate FUCK. The only thing that was in my mind was ‘He is Hot!’
But to my greatest sorrow the Man did not even look at me with a slightest look of admiration. He did not even appreciate my dedication. I felt like a dog that had just run miles to get back his Masters Golf ball and on return was gifted with absolute NOTHING. I was devastated and I was shattered. The man was more interested in a fat man who was running beside me in the treadmill. He even left me unattended as I ran for 15 min straight and he kept himself engaged by chitchatting with the Fat pig. I felt neglected and damaged beyond redemption.

My session got over and I went to the manager lady to get my diet plan and she asked if I was happy with my Trainer. I said that I was very much impressed by his Greek God sexy body dedication towards his work and that’s when the lady said something which made me feel like a 1000kg boulder had just fallen on my chest. 

She said “He is our best trainer and like you said totally dedicated to his work. You are the first female he has been assigned to because he goes only for Men. He is Gay you see’’ 
FACEPALM would be an understatement. Now because I paid the whole package money I am stuck with this fairy for more than a month. Why God why!! He was even a Malayalee!
P.S-Today was Day 2 and my morning session is over. I cannot feel my legs and I prefer crawling rather than walking. I can’t even sit properly on the western toilet to pee. The worst part is, the Satan with his smile which shows his teeth like snakes bare fangs awaits me for my evening session. I will soon be DEAD. 

P.P.S- I had the honour to write a guest post on TheGirlAtFirstAvenue’s blog. Her blog is sheer awesomeness and if don’t already follow her blog, you should definitely read it out! U can read my guest post HERE.
P.P.P.S- For the lovers of Electronic Dance Music, I got something sexy for you. Check this remix out.  LISTEN HERE.


  1. ooopsie :) but then gays are hot too :) he he he

    congrats on hitting the gym Well done in the life we led these days its important to work out :)

    and hey once you are all toned who know the hunk will start to look at you for sure ..
    what say :) he he he

    All the best


  2. i think i've told u this before...i dnt remember...but ya...ur one of the really funny girls i've ever known.

    and was this story true?? i mean the manager lady actually told u he's gay??

    also, if the management knows a trainer is gay, why wud they give him only male clients??

    or maybe the manager wants to sleep with him, and she's using this strategy to ward off all the possible girls he can hook up with.

    BTW...welcome to the jabardasti-gym-goer's club :) it sucks :D

  3. odd...i never imagined in a society like ours,one's homosexual preferences could be so openly advertised....:-D but anyway,it saved you a lot of future disappointment for sure....:-) trust me,the people on the other side of the gender equation i.e. us guys,we face heart-breaks like these day in day out...gal has a hubby,gal has a bf,gal has a 2-month ol daughter whose pic she carries in her mobile,gal prefers to find mr.right thru arranged marriage avenue...the list is endless..:-D

  4. Bwahhaaahhhaa, cannot help but laugh at your plight, Sorry *bursts into a laughing spree*.

    I`ve never set foot into a gym as yet, dont hope to either unless there's a smoking hot trainer (who I will make sure isn't homo, you cant be too sure these days you know :D)

    You killed me when you wrote, a 1000 kilo boulder fell on your head.

    Importantly, Best of luck for your Gymming sessions, the pain is going to be excruciating for the first few sessions, it'll get worse and then get better, so brace yourself.

    Cheers :)

  5. Hit the gym not for the trainer but for a better body. And then once your done with it, guys will follow. :D

    But then, having said that don't work too overtly hard also. It somehow changes the perspective that men could have on you as well. :P

  6. Oh crap.. gyms and the trainers.. so many stories with them.. and why do all the hot guys have to be GAY? :( .. Awww it's ok.. next time you work out, think he might just tend to quit his ways and fall for you :P .. hehehe.. oh the feeling of going to pee.. aah its pathetic.. I'd feel like I'd fall down any minute..

    Interesting read Red.. the guest post was a great read.. especially the low-waist jeans part..so so TRUE! :D

  7. hahaha poor you! He is Gay?!!! Tragic!
    Ahh well.. at least enjoy his looks while you can! I've never stepped into a gym in my entire life but maybe ill join a salsa class or something provided they have a hot non-gay trainer ;)

  8. lol!! :P :P ... welcome aboard! ;)
    its not that bad you know ;)...
    hehe.. oh man! wattey waste of mr.Sexy trainer :P

  9. Aah talk abt goin to the gym, have been trying to do that without much success! Sigh :( Loved ur post none the less.

  10. Its a challenge...Red Handed...instead of sulking and just going dead on the treadmill...I think you should take the challenge and make him not-gay! :P

    May be...he is just confused..who knows? ;)

    Happy working out....by the way...not been inside a gym for years...even if they are free ;)

  11. hahhhahaha...i was having a bad day and here Ms red just make me laugh :D
    Hmmm..thing like this happens you know..yeah agree with Kunal make him not gay and who knows he might be confused :P

  12. POOr..poor u! I think i'd agree with the kunal above...take it as a challenge..he might simply be confused after excessive work outs :P


  13. Awww fuckk! I am pouring out the not-so-delicate delicate FUCKKK now because this is the third such incident I'm hearing of! Face palm is ALL i gotta say too. I tell you, all the men you'd want in this world are either married, gay or too stupid when they open their beautiful mouths. Sheh.
    and wow, I'd punch the manager if she delivered such balderdash to me. Bahhh! Humbug. :(
    But his description totally had me there, such a killer, I swear. I hate Brad Pitt, but oh yes, the body. anddd ..Just don't of gyms okay .. they .. Suck. Period.

  14. rofl..!!! u hittin gym..? all d best gal..!!!! do upload d pic as to hw much (just 4 d sake of it, we knw its not gonna happen) weight u hav lost..:P

  15. HAHAHAHA!! Sorry Sorry honey, I cannot stop laughing! Awww Comeon, may be you can make him UN-gay - with your dedication and determination ;)

    I am glad I met you here. :D

  16. :| that doesn't sound quite right to me....i wonder why would someone tell about the sexuality for no reason and break your heart....


    in a way it is better if he is gay....my kickboxing trainer was so darn good looking but he always had this cold look that made me puke! i stopped his sessions and enjoyed my female polish trainers aerobics :)

    sigh, i have not been gymming...i miss gym :(

  17. Hahaha, amazing as ever. You should write for a living. Publish books and all.

  18. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahhaahaa.
    OMG! I was just thinking wow, such a lucky person. Gyms are nice,for this reason and then came to the he-is-gay-part. Huhihahahahahaha :P
    Sorry sorry. That sucks no!
    But atleast you're getting eye candy :D
    Take care Red

  19. So, all the guys out there are either lazy, tech freaks, married and/or... gay!! :D And the gym is for 1 and 1/2 months!! Now, you have a challenge, Red!! I say, go for it!! :D

  20. finally i am in the category of early commentators..! :) feels great..!
    when a good sexy Greek god body types man turns out to be gay... there is nothing more ironical..! its awful..!
    the way you describes him made me go MAD i only though of HUGH JACKMAN..! ) <3 my love,
    i third KUNAL...:)make me STRAIGHT..!:)
    i wanna join a gym tooo..! and i only hope my trainer is straight..!:)
    this post was a treat..! :)) you made me smile and em very low coz beat that- i have been betrayed the 18th time in a life span of 17 yrs..!:) how lucky i am..!:)
    <3 hugs

  21. Oopsie.. Why are all the good looking, sexy men married or gay!?! damn, the curse of life.

    Malayalee gay? Man, that's a first I'm hearing.

    Work out my girl, get all super sexy and make him regret that he's gay! You get it? ;)

  22. I knewwwww it!!! I KNEW IT the minute you said he was chattering busily with the fat man instead of you :P LOL.

    Enjoy your awesome one and half month. :P LOL.

    It might not even be that bad. :P Hot sexy gay guy can make an awesome friend. Its okay. :)

    And gym trainers mostly tend to be hot. Coincidence much?


    1. I so agree with u! Same happened with me! A hot guy in the guy! We are friend now. phew.

  23. bleh

    u know wat...
    the GYM and I share an On and Off Relationship
    i go..i do something..i get bored..
    i come back..
    the motivation to go and shed all that extra too much flab just doesn't seem to come you know...
    and besides...i HATE Gymming..
    the only thing i like is dance..so aerbics is fine and then yoga...:)
    but MACHINES..???
    *runs away*

    he what....???!!!!
    hahaha...awwwwww poor you..
    saare sapno pe paani..nahi pasina phir gya :D:D:D

    koi ni..mast hot waali boddyy banake u roam about..you will have all hot guys drooling over yeah..:D:D:D

    loveddddd the post molayy..!!!

    Did you miss my comment?
    did you?did you?did you??!!!

    huh huh huh
    khi khi khi

    *sheepish grin*

    cheers !!!

  24. oh oww:( Now that, was sad !
    sheesh.. I joined the gym with the intention of a hot trainer and ended up with a lady training me on my mother's insistence (worse right?)
    Nice, humourous one here:)
    Awe...somme !!:D

  25. Hey gay is good...you can ogle at him, practice your flirting skills and still be friends with him.

    Or is it that the receptionist is sweet on him and this is just a clever ploy to keep you away?

  26. OMG! Damn! As the saying goes, all the hot men in the world are either committed or hot!

    Tch tch! Koi ni, all the best for your training! Hope we see you alive after the training ends! :P :P

    But srsly, all the best! :D

  27. Hilarious as usual!! Your posts have become a sort of daily entertainment for me- Really look forward to reading them! :D
    and rofl @ 'he was even a malayalee'. :D

  28. GASP !!!! You gave me a heart break too !!! Thats SOOOOOOO unfair! A month and a half with a girl stuck in a man's body!!! LORD BE WITH YOU WOMAN! :D

  29. Hahaha...

    u wont believe it or not, I ws workin on a 'gym' post too :)

    yas, yas, me too went to the gym ..yas, yas, me too quit after half an hours .. yas, yas, me too hv vouched nvr to eat fatty fud ever again...yas, yas, me too knw I'm only kidding :D

    Nice to b back, Red.. ws travellin travellin.. hope all is well on ur side :)

    Happy gymmin :)

  30. Huh Gay! :O

    All the best for the workouts.. :)

  31. Going to Gym is always a comic thing :) :) The way you presented made it more comic and it will make everyone laugh :) Gay Gym Master!!! ha ha ha :P :P Good luck for you to trim yourselves :) :) Happy Gymming :) :)

  32. I somehow saw this coming. I knew he's going to be either Happily married or Gay n unmarried at the end.

    And does a "A Fat, Fair, Dumb looking boy" calling u AUNTY in a Small park in Delhi has anything to do with u deciding to go to gym..?? ;p

    Anyways, All the Best for the next 45 days..;-)

  33. hahahahhahahaha..!!! seriously she told you that..?? hmmm..!! fishy indeed...!! dont loose heart..!! apne adao ka jaal bhichao n when he goes like haawwww.. just say too bad boy..!! u r gay arent u :P

    i laughed loud at he was even malayalee line..!! touched my heart..!! seriously..!! i know how you might have felt..!! *pat on the shoulder* jaane do.. bhagwaan ke ghar mein der hain andher nahin..!! :D

  34. hahaha.. he is a gay.. oopss :P and I guess the Kareena fever is on.. everyone wants to earn the zero figure :D

    Weakest LINK

  35. Loved it. It was just so funny.You know what , may be the receptionist is just getting back at that guy for dumping her . who knows. :)

  36. wah wah gym ghym aaaye haaye :)

    poor you :P :P sorry but can't stop laughing ;)

    loved your account of gymming !! good luck for the next 28 days :)

  37. Poor you! Why do always hunks end up as gays?:P Happy exercising. Who knows?You might end up meeting a better hunk some day in the gym;) Watch out!

  38. The best of the guys are either married or gay...Why GOD Why!!! I had a crush on a guy once and later I came to know that he is dating my cousin and then they married. I was broken into pieces....:(

  39. my god-so many comments that by the time i come to the comment box i have forgotten the points i wanted to comment on-so the repeat of the entire drill of going up again and then scrolling down-back n forth...this should make ME slim!:-)

    and the "poem of a man", the "delicate fuck" bit and the dog fetching the golf ball-brilliantly said!

    you are THE funniest girl I know in the blogosphere:-)

    and never mind the pains-they'd go away...btw, if you are naturally slim don't gym for short term-the machines get you in the yo-yo effect and you begin to gain weight faster after you leave..try walking-shalking instead..just saying!

    and gay he to kya hua-aur bhi honge wahan gabro jawan to keep u busy!;-)

  40. Eventully, you ended up fancying a guy who likes push-ups on irregular surface. It's time to say, "Bwahahahahahaha".

  41. ha ha ha Sorry my dear but I cann't stop laughing! Why God why you did this to our sweetie ;)

  42. All the hot guy description, nice adjectives etc.... for NOTHING. :(
    hehe... forgive me for ROFLing on your poor state. God bless you for the next 43 days. :p

    Janhvi - jojofeelings.wordpress.com

    P.S. I JUST NOW got the notification. What is going on?

  43. PLEASE FORGIVE ME !!!I will not be replyign to these lovely comments. I have taken painkillers and I cannot type a lot. BLOODY ASSHOLE GYM TRAINER! I HATE HIM MORE THAN ANY PERSON CAN HATE ANY PERSON IN THIS WHOLE WIDE WORLD.


  44. Why are hot guys gay :/
    Poor you though. I can't stop laughing :D

  45. OMG sad ! That too a Mallu !! If he wasnt gay he'd be on a date with u now :D Beware of the manager lady. She isn't professional. Secondly she is slightly cunning. Thirdly she might have a huge crush on this guy. I have seen similar thing on Friends when Rachel tells everyone that her hot assistant Tag was gay, to ward off girls. You know, Friends teaches us more lessons than all the moral science classes we ever attended.

  46. HAHAHAHA!!! Poor you!! Seriously!! In fact I guess poor womanhood!! What do these sexy, hot guys see in men, instead of women??!!! But I am happy that someone is in a work-out mantra!! And what a work-out plan my dear!!

  47. Hahahah!! I almost died laughing!!
    ROFL @ "the Fat pig"!!

  48. ROfl. Gay is good, i think. well atleast now I can feel slightly better about not having a sexy trainer. :-D Look at the bright side, you can ogle all you want. :-P

  49. Hey RED, Guess what? I started my aerobics class from today :) No personal trainer and all that stuff and the guy who trains us is the ok-kinda-guy only :( But, your plight is sadder :( Just convince yourself saying the "Grapes are sour" ;)

  50. @Philo- Laughin at my expence eh? :P
    @Amigo- :D
    @Anita Jayan Sndeep- I am taking tht as a very valuable note. Maybe he is really confused :P. Thanks for reading :)
    @The life-a-holic- Its killing me inch by inch!!!!!!!!
    @Happy Go Lucky- I am glad :)
    @KofyKat-Hhahahaha but he is sooo macho to qualify as a gay :(
    @Neeha- Thanks :)
    @Hari Kumar- thanks!!!
    @Keirthana- Congrats!!! Aerobics is fun no!!!!!! I choose aerobics above gymming!!!!

  51. Hahahahahahaha...rolf rolf! Poor you! You are so effortlessly funny, its a pleasure you read your post and laugh out aloud :) :)

    So are you still regular with the gym? :)

  52. @Siddhartha Joshi- I am till now..Dual schedule.Morn and evening with the macho fairy :D

  53. ooops, poor you. feeling bad for you.
    but a funny read :)

  54. ohohh just 40 days more
    my gym has a policy of lady trainers for females and male trainers for males........................

    so kabhi pata bhi nahi chalega mujhe kisika :P

    btw, happy trimming ...........oops gymming

  55. I was laughing throughout the post! Haha.. Woman, you're sense of humour is outrageous! Loved it. You exhibited the typical lady character, who drools over a hot guy. The feeling of having a hot guy beside your dad, and have to refrain yourself from going gugu gaga is just beyond words! I feel you. The moment of fame, was when you got to know he was a gay! I pretty much expected it though.

    here's something, do not admire guys in the gym. huge chances of most of them being gays. trust me and stay away from the ladies too!

    happy gymming anyway :)

  56. But I am sure you would love the end result??!! Or atleast I hope :P

  57. Yup Aerobics is fun :) 2 days into it and I am enjoying it albeit my abs are killing me with the pains:(

  58. Totally at your expense :D

    Thank you for the comment :) I have posted the next part.

  59. Late I be: but im here. I LOVE EXERCISE!!! :P
    It is the single most thing i love to do! :P

    I miss it in my life. :(

    I am jealous. :( :(

    P.s why you write such supremely funny posts? :D

  60. @Brajmohan Kumar- Thankyou for reading :)
    @Madhuri- Hheheh for some reason I am still happy he is my trainer. Great he is but he really makes me slog!
    @Nia- Hheheh thankyou milady! Why fake it and act all gooody goodywhen I am clearly not. So I write the real me :P. Thanks a bunch again!
    @Thelife-a-holic- I surely hope so tooooo!!!
    @Keirthana- I totally undertand! It will go away in 2 to 3 days.
    @Philo- I shall read it sooon!!!!
    @Srinidhi- Atleast u read it..M glad :) U love exercising? I bow before u!!!!!!!!!! When I write the posts, I never find them funny. I just write wht I do and wht I Think, Glad u like it :)

  61. Wow...dual timer and still complaining? But dont change, love to read/hear your complaints and rantings.
    That is how gyming is, I guess most of us are 1st forced, parents or peers, and then we are hooked, don like it but cant let go too..
    See any results?

  62. The thing is I was a sporty child. so i exercise more than I eat :p
    I just love the adrenaline rush it gives me. :) Makes me want to do it over and over again. :D

    p.s You are lucky chica. :) You have a natural tendency to make people laugh then. :) Your friends, family and man are lucky. :)
    Where there is laughter, there is a sense of living. :)

  63. roflmao I mean seriously,was he gay?

    Shea!better luck next time.. :D

    work hard..get slim trim hottie and you'll soon be acknowledge by a hunk as your 'wife' :P lol

  64. I read somewhere..awesome guys are either taken o' gays! :P hehehe

  65. So when do we get to laugh again?? :D

  66. @pOOja- Its been just one weel. Show lost like 500 gms :P
    @Srinidhi- I wish my body too worked that way :( I was always bad at sports stuff
    @Sunakshi- hehehe now that is my only hope :P...Seriously great lookign men are gay :(
    @Philo- NOW ? :P

  67. i still remember returning back from Dubai to Calicut... an early morning flight a decade ago.. and the guy sitting 2 rows away from me creating a fuss because the plane didnt have 'puttu and mollagita meen curry'.. this would have been at 6am in morning !!!

  68. The given article is so nice..and good thinking to post here..nice to share here..thanks for sharing here with us..

  69. That is something oopss!!! moment :) well enjoy the workout and don't overtrain :)

  70. You are so damn full of life... I guess this is what i am gonna do for today....Reading all your blogposts.. That's gonna be my Self assigned assignment!


    1. Now now!! hahah dont do that. Its not worth that much :)
      I am humbled!!!


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