Friday 7 October 2011


They say you should not talk about dead people, especially bad things about them. There have been times when I wanted to write about my Grandfather, but never could. 

He was a good man, someone who was known for his dominant nature, temper, love for music and certain other qualities. Now that the good part is said, he had an ugly side too, something which overshadowed his good side. Not a good Father, not a great Husband, not a wonderful Grandfather.  

I remember him hitting my Grandmother to the point that she fainted. The reason was too illogical to even disclose. I remember him cursing my Mother. I remember him forcing me to eat spoilt mangoes because he did not like food wasted. I remember being hit by a one inch thick wooden stick for accidently spilling milk and not sharing chocolates with him. I remember him flaunting me as his Grandchild each time I won a competition and I remember him forgetting me when my brother was born. Jealousy? Maybe.

I remember him exchanging words with my Father with a dagger in his hands and I remember him calling me names for the little mistakes I made. I never loved him but neither did I hate. I was taught never to hate anyone.

Once he had a minor heart attack and he called onto my brother’s name semi consciously. The hate started burning in my heart. On his second heart attack, he thought he wouldn’t survive and he called for a personal chit chat with each and every member in the family. When my turn came, he apologised for everything he did and I realised that this man actually knew that what he did to us wasn’t right. I forgot the hate as I hugged him and cried. I forgave him absolutely. 

But the man survived and his old self came back in business. My Grandfather was getting really old and believed in spending half of his day on bed. But his tongue never rested and the cursing continued. My hate reached a brand new height. I remember being on bed beside my mother, weeping and cursing him all night long. I wanted him dead. I wanted him to die and leave our lives to ourselves. I wanted him gone forever. My mother did not stop me from cursing. She understood the pain I was going through and she did not try to wipe my tears off. I felt relieved. I prayed for his death.

Entrance exams were on their way and so, I along with my mother and brother went to Kerala. My father was posted somewhere else for his work. May 20th the entrance exams got over and we boarded the train on May 21st back to our place. My Grandfather gave me a call before I left Kerala and told me he wished to see me. I gave a ‘SURE’ and rolled my eyes. I never could be rude to him on his face. As I boarded the train, half of me was rejoicing and the other half was depressed for I was going back to a place with Him in it. I hated him or better still LOATHED him.

Reached the destination and my Father was there to pick us up. We got in the car and absolute silence prevailed. My Dad declared with a crack in his voice that my Grandfather had died yesterday. He did not want to tell us while we were in train. Noone was there except my Grandmother when he died. No children, grandchildren, no well wishers. Just him and his wife. Just the way I cursed. Silence continued in the car. My mother silently wept while my brother sat still looking at the crayons in his hands. My Father did not shed a tear. He was a strong man. 

As I sat in the car, I remember blaming myself for killing him. For taking a father away from my Dad, for taking a doting Grandfather away from my brother, for taking a father-in-law away from my Mother, for taking a Husband away from my Grandmother. I remember the warm tear flowing across my cheeks and I remember realising that underneath all that hate, there was a child who craved for his love and a child who loved her Grandfather.

Guilt is what I started living with. He was the reason I sang. He was behind the music classes I joined. He was the person who used to sit on the front seat as I sang. I blamed myself for his death.

Recently did I get over it and I thank a very special person for it. I could never write this down until today. Good things have been happening with me and life has been beautiful. I think he is watching over me and I think he always will. Beneath all that hate, love truly existed.

P.S- If Only i could call this a fiction and save myself from your judging eyes. Sorry for writing this. Had to get it off my chest.


  1. Touchy post, Kudos to the soul who convinced you that you were a bigger person and to move ahead of your past with your grandpa.

    Love always does exist, even in hate; just that some of us don't see it clearly enough.

  2. AIO!! The photo...

    Now, I need to read, ok?

  3. Girl! It's ok to have hatred brewing inside. It's ok to love and not admit. It's ok to have someone in the family whom we do not love or pray for their death. It is life and life has its ways to teach lessons.

    I wish I was anonymous blogger too and could let go of certain things I may not with a face! But, it's good to let go. It' ok!

    Truth and honesty need to exist.

    More love to you, hugs!

    Give two hoots to someone who judges you based on this post, everyone hates someone or the other...
    PS: I resolved RSS query for you on my blog.


  4. Everybody is getting things off their chest aren't they :(...I've never met my grand dads', don't even know how my maternal one looks, never asked and nobody ever told. Grans' were around while I was really young, but by the time I grew some brains were reduced to vegetables. I remember doing the same cursing thing, you did for you grand pa, from my grand ma once cause I was so sick of all the stuff I had to do to help the old lady. My aunt who was looking after her, treated me like a house help one day and never once had I ever seen her daughter so much as even step into that room to help with anything. I was so so annoyed I took it out on the poor granny...I have hardly any memories of her but she sure was never mean to me!!! I cried all the way back home, but never went back to meet her for fear of being judged by a vegetable!!! She died few months after that and the guilt oh god..didn't go away for so many days. Sensitive side of Red huh? Why you remembering this when your happy ?

  5. The only thing I can tell you after reading this should not be blaming yourself..I know how it would have felt...I feel sorry

    PS: please enable name and url option...i'll not be available on wordpress anymore..and i dont want to just read you post..I want to give my point of view too..

    visit my personal site:

  6. You know Red, you shouldn't apologize...for he was already on his way,just that your timing was didn't happen before, did it? So, yes, guilt will be there and writing this shows, that you have truly grown over it...and accepted the truth! :) It's takes strong heart to admit something and you got that...I am proud of you! If you come to a point to dislike someone, it doesn't mean you never loved just forget...after all, to err is to human. :) :) Bless that Special Person!

  7. And here is someone with a post that I can closely relate with me.
    Your post touched me, reminded me of some cruel childhood memories, reminded me of the hate for few people that has now overshadowed the relationship. Was hurt deep inside my heart in childhood days and 'm still trying to cope with those bad memories.
    What can I say, just one thing; "do not blame yourself". You stop blaming ourself and the hurt feelings will start curing with time.
    RIP you grandpa.
    Say thanks to the person who helped you to come out of this guilt feeling.

  8. Every dark cloud has a silver lining! Well written!

  9. Dear, male of that generation are more or less like that. He was just reflecting hos generation. And, you were reflecting an innocent child. Who would no nothing of complex nature of human beings. May he rest in peace...Good for you that you wrote. It's always better to take that burden off your soul...

  10. No judgements, red...good you got it off yo chest :)
    N you know what...we could've been childish, devilish, notorious, immature or even utterly stupid as kids...but there's no way we could've been BAD.That only tends to happen when we grow up.
    I'm sure grandpa's now looking down at you n smiling...wishing he had been a more loveable grand father to you!

  11. such a profound post..RED..and yeah
    NOBODY is going to judge you based on what u wrote..they dare and i will have the daylights whacked outta them :)
    we all come into this world with a destiny written for us..we meet people along the way..and circumstances make us behave and feel the way we do..
    No one is one is wrong..

    I never got to know both my grandfathers..
    But i had heard from many about my maternal grandpa..and i have always hated him for how miserable he had made my mom's life when she was growing up..

    He was gone by the time i could learn to i dont really know what i meant to him..
    I know its nothing compared to what you have gone through..but just felt like sharing..

    The very fact that u writing about it shows u have become brave to face it..

    And m glad u have that special person..
    I have one too..and i believe their presence in our lives is GOD'S way of paying HE cares..

    Phew..that was one long comment eh..
    Kindly bear :p :p

    god of love..
    *warm hug* :)

  12. cursing isnt really good at all, but you were driven by hate, what else could you do?

    i think everyone experienced the same thing as yours but of different situation.. what matters most is that you learned to forgive him, and realized that you have wronged him when you havent seen the good things he's done for you...

    admission is far better than keeping it to yourself..

    loveyou girl!

  13. Nobody is going to judge you girl.
    Old people are not easy to manage.They need attention.All the time like small children.

    Happy you are at peace.Muah.

    Coincidentally both of us are have written about people who are no more today.

  14. You knw right that am a big fan of ur writing.. But this is The best post so far i ve read in ur blog..!! I loved it.. Lot of reasons i can't say.. But i liked it.. You proved you are a better person by comin up with this.. Cos not everybody can do this.. No one can ever judge you..

  15. *Respect*, for having the guts to write this.
    No one's judging you, sweety. We've all seen people like this. My great-grandmother was one such type.
    You don't have to blame yourself for anything. Each person has a karma. There's a god up there watching everything. And every person will get exactly what he or she deserves, sooner or later.

  16. Happy you are at peace now and you sure did win my respect here :)

    Beneath hate, love always exists :)

  17. It wasn't your fault. Life is complicated-relief is often mixed with sorrow and happiness, in its way.

  18. Sometimes silence serves better than words. Condolence.
    On the other note cheer up. Where's the list?


  20. Aww Red, no one's judging you here, okay?
    And those who do, chuck them!
    It's good you got it of your chest, feel better now?
    I know how the guilt might have been killing you but hey, we all are humans. And sometimes we do such stuff.
    Hate is just another emotion, like jealousy love blah blah.
    Don't curse yourself for it. Happens!
    And hats off to you for writing this. It takes guts and courage for this. RESPECT!
    Hope your mind is a little more at peace now?!
    Take care
    *tight hugs*

  21. Good you got it off your chest. Keep smiling. :)
    *A giant hug*

  22. That struck something sore inside of me, you have guts girl.

    My grandpa was not half as bad, was wonderful to me in my childhood, loved me more than my brother and never was cruel.

    And just because he developed a temper towards the end, that too because of illness and worry, I wished him dead.
    And he died.

    I can't ever forgive myself for that. Ever.

  23. @RED HEAD : you know I feel closer to you now. How can u bring urself to share such a personal trauma (am i exagerrating?) with virtual acquaintances like me? We all have rqually heart breaking stories lady. And hey. This is YOUR BLOG! dnt care about how you would be judged. Thats the whole point of a blog aint it? People who can take ur intensity will..the rest-to hell with them!
    grandpa's are alwez special..however unimaginably male chauvinist they are...they are like the vintage pieces one would love to own :P
    I lost mine just 3 months ago...I really miss him..after reading ur story, i wanna write abt my grandpa too... :) I am thinking about it already! :)

    Most importantly- YOU ARE A GREAT SOUL!

  24. I too lost my Grandfather recently... errr.. not recently actually... but its still very hard to believe me that he is gone...

    He was amazing person i have ever met my entire life... u can say totally opposite of yours...

    He is reason i am spoiled... as he never let any one scold his there musketeers(me my brother and sister)

    I really hate the fact he did too much for us and I couldn't even actually tell him how much I loved him... SOB!! SOB!!

    Keep blogging :)

  25. You should be glad you got that out of your chest!
    Hatred is a very 'weird' feeling. You start associating that word with someone, you use it till the end. Until that person is no more. You start feeling guilty for whatever you have said and done.
    But that's how life is, right? We are humans are we do have feelings. We act accordingly. But I am sure your grandfather loved you a lot, irrespective of everything said and done. And I am a lot more sure that, beneath all that hatred you had for your grandfather, you were probably the person who loved him the most in your family.
    And well your blog, your post, your judgements. Your followers are those who agree with your views and opinions. So chill :)!!

  26. as i was reading this-for the first time i was feeling a lump in my throat as so many people comment on posts which i thought was just blah blah...

    it is a touchy post and we all hate someone and can be hated by others too-perfectly natural...wanting someone to die because they are horrible to you-perfectly human...thinking they died because of you-perfectly wrong!
    people anyways die!

    and the kinda man he was slapping your granny and forcing you to eat that mango and all the rest that u described-makes me sympathise with you and your family-than him!

    reminds me of my own relationship with my grandmother...almost inspiring me to write about it-your guts are infectious!kudos and hugs:-)

  27. I wish I could confess like you and reading this post reminded me of something too.. My Grandmother. I didn't hate her, but the guilt remains. Always will. Never shared it with anyone. Thanks to your post, I hope you get the drift. Take care Red! And it's okay! *Hugs* ..

  28. Nice post girl..
    I am glad you got this off your chest... Death really changes your life in a way you can never imagine...
    Just be happy and tell people that you love and care... at the end of the day all this will pay off :)

  29. At first i thought what i was reading was a piece of fiction but the deeper i went the more i realised how real it is...i applaud u for writing this post. U r really brave, i say this coz i knw many of us wudnt be able to write something so close of our heart.

    I am also glad that u no longer blame urself for what happened to your grand tell you the truth my grandpa was similar to what u have written but i never hated him coz after a while i just bcame indifferent to his existence, for me he never existed and therefore when he died (5 yrs ago) i didn't even shed a tear coz there was no good memory that i cud relate to him.

  30. hey common.. its not you.. don't blame yourself.. whosoever has taken birth has to die one day.. its the absolute truth. The only thing is he was not good to you.. so you retaliated back.. that's not a big thing.. don't make an issue out of it and ruin your present. Instead learn to be polite and good to others from your grandfather life.. which ironically he wasn't.

    Weakest LINK

  31. *bows down to you*
    In all seriousness I know it takes a lot of guts to put down something like this in writing. A lot of courage. There are so many issues burning a hole in me, eating me up from within but I have too much of self-respect(some would say ego) to admit that it ever bothers me. I've tried to put it in writing so many times but I simply can't. Hmm.. maybe I am not ready yet.. someday i will.. anyway this is not about me now!!!

    nobody's judging you as you can see.. People regard Hate as a negative emotion but I feel it at least it shows that you feel something... its better than being indifferent. They say the opposite of love is not hate, its indifference. Every person goes through something like this in their life and if someone says they've never hated anyone or that 'hate' is not in their dictionary i think its a big fat lie. We are humans after all and its natural to feel this way.
    Am glad you got it off your chest :)

  32. @Atrocious Scribblings-Thanks for being the first to read man! Real thanks!
    @TheBluntBlogger-Now you know why i looove being anonymous. Even if people are judging me, they cant relate to it a particular face or body. Thanks love!
    @TheDragonInTheSkinOfAGoat- We all have a past we are brutally trying to forget, dont we? I am happy you are over it.
    @Jayendrasharan- I guess The URL thing is allowed. Only Anonymous comments are not allowed. Thanks a lot for reading this !!!
    @MSM- Thanks for being such an absolute Gem of a person!
    @Raghu- :)
    @BrajMohan- You will get over it soon. The past really torments but someday you start accepting it. Thanks a lot for commenting :)
    @Rahul Bhatia- Thanksyou sire..means a lot!
    @Saru Singhal- Yes i pray that he rests in peace but always watches over me and forgives me.
    @Indumathy Sukanya- I really hope he is looking down at me and at total peace. Thanks love!
    @Meowww- Long comment? I would call it a rather beautiful comment. I can so relate to you now. Thanks for sharing. Hugs!
    @Kharren- Admission is truly better than keeping it to urself. Thanks for understanding. Love you back!!
    @Blue Lotus- Freaku was sooo lucky to have you and the feelings are mutual i am sure. Thanks!
    @Superrnickkk- Thanks man. I just had to write it down and no better place to share is it? :)
    @Spaceman Spiff-I hope it was just Karma. They say that a curse from a truly hurt childs heart can never be undone. Yeh i was superstitious like tht
    @Soumya- Thanks!!Grateful.
    @Cricketfreak- I second tht thought :)
    @Prateek- You hated the list dint you :D.Taking a break from it :P
    @ChemicalFunk- I love you even more for saying tht!

  33. @BlahBlaholic- That comment melted my heart. Such a sweethrt :). hate it truly just another emotions burying love deep inside.
    @Rachana- I will :)
    @PeeVee- You too shouldnt blame yourself.Things always happen the way Mr GOODGOD wants. I am happy that he rests in peace .You are a great person so quit being guilty
    @Akila Venkat-I wrote it here just because i am anonymous. even if people judge me, they have no face to assign it to. I am sorry about your loss. My condolences. Write about it if it will make you feel better :)
    @Wonderwall- You shudnt say tht your grandfather was totally opposite mine. He had a good part too, irreplaceable by anyone else. thanks!
    @life-a-holic- Thanks for writing down a wonderful comment. I did love him but never came in touch with the emotion until he was gone.
    @Suruchi- Hugs to you!! Do write about it, if it makes you feel good too. Also you are right, blaming myself for his demise, absolutely wrong.
    @confused soul- thanks for sharing..i feel special and i understand you. You should let it go too, if you havent already. You really shud
    @Madhulika- Death truly changes your life in ways you cannot even imagine. Hmmm...what else can i say other than a Thankyou
    @Ria- I could never be indifferent. I could never tie my emotions down to extent of not bothering. My whole family was involved in this. I understand you girl i really do . Thanks for reading
    @Rachit- You wrote an absolute truth. He had to go but the timing wasnt right. I couldnt hold on to the fact ...
    @TheGirlAtFirstAvenue- I too never could write this down for 5 yrs. Now finally could. Feels soo good you know.You too will let go of the post and i hope it would be soon.

  34. I can never imagine myself opening up so much, and I really commend you on that. Its such a beautifully written personal post, though I never saw my grandpa, I could completely relate to it. The emotions are so simply shared, that one immediately connects...

    I am glad you are over the guilt now, but all these years must have been tough for you...

  35. Salute the guts behind writing this! As a child, I used to blame myself for my granpa dying just days after I was born but then I realized that we would have to blame ourselves for half the things that go wrong in this world that way. And by that one drop of tear that escaped your eyes at the news of his demise, all your curses and ill-wishes towards him were washed away. Peace be upon you!

  36. You didn't even hate him. You hated the fact that he didn't show his love for you.
    And there was no reason to blame yourself for it.
    Glad you got over it.
    Ps: loved your blog :)

  37. Nice Touchy Blog :) We cant hate anyone if we haven't love them :) but don't blame only yourselves because whatever happens in life happens for a reason :)

  38. True that... Indeed no better place..!!!

  39. I see your post and think if I could ever write about the things that have clogged inside me in the way you have it written. I cant help but be too careful and prude sometimes. A trait that requires alteration if I am to feel good about certain memories that have otherwise only bothered me.
    On a separate note, you have jotted down how you see the whole event beautifully. Don't cling to past emotion that brings guilt coz you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. In spite of everything you believe beneath all that hate your love for your grandfather truly existed, this shows your warmheartedness. Be happy always.

  40. I didnt feel anything wrong with what u have written, we love people, though we hate some of their characteristics and deeds..

    Anyway, its good that u have said it out..

    Nice blog, keep up the good work..

  41. He hated you. You hated him. That should make it all even. But still,because you feel the guilt for his death only tells me the kind of kind person you are...and mind you,kindness springs from a bigger heart..which itself is a rarity.

    I am glad you have come out of it wishes for your future life!!!

    Just have a look at what sir G B Shaw has to say-
    "If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance"

  42. I know it can be tough on your part to have a baggage of this sort, and probably writing down wud hav removed it...kudos to ur effort to come out with such a be frank..towards the end my eyes were moist..nice one girl..!

  43. that was Strong and Deep..!!

  44. You never cease to amaze.

    Brilliant work again. You're seriously gifted. :)

  45. Good post, straight from the heart Red:) You can't live forever with all that hatred bottled up inside you. Glad you wrote this unfazed by third persons' judgement. Very straight forward and direct from your heart...Kudos girl.

  46. Touching post..

    I'm sure he felt guilt every time he had a near-death experience...too bad he could never control his demons..

    Here's a wake up call to all those who're mean to others...

    Btw, the photo is inappropriate for a post like weren't responsible for any of this


  47. I don't like rambling on an on about things people already know-like it ain't your fault ,I wud have felt the same way if I had been in ur shoes,blah blah....But the thing is,I was not your fan I am....This post was awesome...Kept me hoooked....I hung onto each that's not sumthin I do on every blog....:-)

  48. //But the man survived and his old self came back in business. - People may change their feelings but they can never change their nature :) It's the way of life.

    Indeed a deep article RED. And yes, people "will" judge you after reading this, but in a good sense ! Very few on this earth are bold enough to admit/express guilty part of their lives :)

  49. @Siddhartha Joshi- It really was tough. Really tuff. But i am over it. Thankyou so much!
    @Musings of a Troubled Mind- Thankyou! I really hope he is at peace.
    @Ravishanker- isnt tht ur blog name :D..Sweet thanks!
    @Superrrnickkk- :D
    @Br|sh- I will be happy. It took time to let go but it happened. Thankyou :)
    @Being Pramoda- Thankyou for such sweet words :)
    @Rohan- That was a new quote. Never came across tht one. Made me smile :)
    @Nirvaan- Hey man, i dint mean to make your eyes moist. But i am happy you could understand wht i went through . Thanks!
    @Kanthu- thanks!
    @The life-a-holic- :)
    @Sam- And i thankyou for thinking abotu me tht way :)
    @Cloud Nine- i just had to spit it out. Really feels great! Thanks a ton.
    @CRD- This was the first pic i saw in google o just used tht up :D. Thanks a ton man! :)
    @Rahul- Hey that was something :). This was just a confession. something i dont talk out to my friends or anyone. I am anonymous here so just blurted out. Thanks a lot!!!
    @Stranger-Thanks !!!! Judging happenes.It is our nature isnt it?

  50. You know to hate someone is natural. To be able to admit it is brave and amazing. :)

    Well written and very sensitively written :)

  51. It takes a lot of courage to take a burden off your chest. And I respect you for that. As for a really hurt child's curse working, I don't think it worked that way. Because beneath all that hate you did love him.

  52. Presenting your ugly face to the world takes way more courage than presenting your funny face.

    It may sound cliche after so many earlier comments but nonetheless, I admire your guts.

  53. Red,i dont what to say actually..a very honest and touching post,yeah it happens sometimes,and I'm glad that you penned it down this way,

    and yes at times we do come across this special person,the one sent by God to ease our burden,hope the special person will stay with u forever :D

    Dont worry much,forget and forgive yourself..

    Smile Ms Red looking forward for a funny post next time

    Warmest wish

  54. Hmm.. it is actually a personal post which has left me wondering if I should or should not comment.

    I appreciate few things here- you have someone to help you cope with this. Your courage to put it out here and carefully respond to 50 odd people who had something to say about it.

    I will just say two lines and not try to explain such a delicate emotion.

    This post is just one side of a event which could not have occurred on just this premises. There is always a part of life which eludes our understanding.

  55. Your honesty and ability to use words to take off a lingering burden is awesome. I wish more people had this ability so that he intensity of persistent hatred, regret and hard feelings could be lightened to an extent.


  56. It was poignant and touching but at the same time honest, candid and affectionate.

  57. quite heart feeling and sad post.... we when small make up our minds in a way that when we grow up it becomes quite tough to change our from old generation were as such only... its usually tough to bring out such deep dark emotions outside...

    nice and poigant :)

    happy that u have moved over the past :)

  58. People are capable of being good as well as bad. It matters what you choose to be. And even if some things about a person turned out to be real nasty, lets not forget about the good he once did. Memories fade, but emotions just transform. Don't hate him, and don't hate yourself.

    Stay Blessed ^_^

  59. Thank God you are past that negativity now. As a child you witnessed a man bullying and manipulating his family. Tragically he happened to be your Granddad. We usually expect our elders to shower us with love. In your case it was quite the opposite. Your reaction was completely natural, so why the guilt?

  60. In the end..I think..we realize that once the person is gone..what you felt...not felt...hated..not does not matter much..In the end...only emptiness remains..a void..a feeling...a question..why was it the way it was...It is good that you have let it go now...he has got a closure...Let peace be upon both him and now.

  61. What an honest post..!!
    Luckily, I have no grudges against anyone, but ya, I do have a few things for which i seek closures. You post has prompted me to do that!!
    Thanks a million!!

    Waiting for a happy post from you now!! C'mon, I hate the mood - sad!

  62. @Srinidhi- You are always generous arent you :) Thanks!!
    @Destiny's child- But tht love was realised after everything was gone. But yeh things had to happen. Thanks :)
    @Alchemist- And i admire you for saying tht
    @the other side of me- and you shall definitley get a funny post next. I promise :)
    @Sameera-'There is always a part of life which eludes our understanding. ' <-------That was the biggest truth of the century!!
    @Anita- Took a lot of time for me to do this..years you can say :)
    @ajay- thanks a ton!!! mean it!
    @Sourabh K Rao- It really is very tough but when the time comes, the burden gets lifted from the heart.
    @The Guy in the mirror- that was sweet of you :) The hate is loong gone.
    @Purba- I dont know why i felt guilty but i did. I dont know why i couldnt let go of the feeling for so many years, but i did :)
    @Kunal- truly was! I am happy and i am sure he too is at peace :)
    @Metagravity- Hey i should be thanking you :) And next post would be funny!

  63. Ya its my Blog name:) But i take the things as it comes :) So only commented as Whatever happens happens for reason :) :) But your blog is good. It is sure grit that you admitted that you hate but inside that you would have definitely loved so much :)

  64. I really thought this as a fiction when I started reading. I do not have granddads and always wished how good it would be to have one for they care for you and buy things :)

    There is always some hate behind love and love behind hate which you realized after he passed away. I wonder how you could put this in words in a very polite way. You should see my posts of how much I go mad at some things.

    Chill girl!!

  65. Its too personal a blog post, my friend.. I want to comment, but then I dont want to hurt anyone's feelings... :) But yes, glad you took it all out.. I always believe that no one in this world is bad, people react based on what they went through in their lives... :)

  66. Wow. WOW. This is so heart wrenching. I don't know what to say. Hug? I don't think there should have been any guilt..

  67. RED RED RED! Breathe in, breathe out. take a gasp of fresh air and listen to me, its good to take your frustration, anger, guilt out. YOu cannot live with those feelings, they consume your mind, psyche, heart and are parasites on your well being! I am GLAD you did write this. You didn't kill granda, girl. Sometimes we buy ourselves in believing our words had stuff happening. alot like psychokinesis, however it really doesn't. :) shrug the blame off your shoulders. Hatred, as they say, is stronger than love on most occasions!
    You honey , take care. *super tight hug*

  68. @Ravishankar- :)) Thanks again!
    @Pria- The realisation came late and that is what i regret.Thanks a lott for reading!
    @Binu Thomas- just soo true sir!! Thankyou! :)
    @Zeba- There exists no more guilt. Thankfully moved on :)
    @Crystal- Super tight hug to you too babes!Hatred concealed the love till the point of no return. Hmm but yeh i moved on :)

  69. It was something I have never read before.. I do not mean "the words written by you".. I just don't know someone being so honest and so pure as you..
    This post made me cried today.. I m a curser too for I have wished death of my grandfather, not once but many times! He is still alive and I do not like to face him. But I know he is not that bad a man..!
    I know letting this all outta your system is not easy.. I am glad you're able to..
    May all souls get the peace they require!!
    PS: Your blog is awesome.. I loved the way you let your words flow :)

  70. @Chitranshi- hmmm...i dint mean to hurt. This was just a confession.BuT I am glad to know that you relate to this. Dont curse him. Karma makes the people who hurt you in her own way. :)

  71. I have a similar relationship with my grandmother


Spit It Out I Say !!!