Thursday 20 October 2011


Her daughter was almost on the verge of committing suicide today morning. Her best friend had seen her go to the College terrace and had followed her when she did not respond, only to find her sitting on the railing and staring at the miniature vehicles parked below. After being forcefully made go to get down to the safer side and pulled to go back to attend the class, did Anjali confide to her about the thought of committing suicide.

She held me close as she wept. Anjali was her only daughter and that too someone who made every other girl of her age go green with Envy. A brilliant student, a gifted Sitar player and really beautiful. But soon after matriculating, she started being someone which she wasn’t. Her situation could not be described, for there were days which were never absolutely normal. Either she was too cheerful to laugh all day or she was gloomy enough to pull her hair one by one from the scalp. She stopped being the usual her and her mood could transform from mania to depression in a matter of few minutes.

Today after consulting 2 renowned Psychiatrists, it was declared that she suffered from Bipolar disorder and that too of the worst kind. 

Looking at her mother crying, I strangely felt nothing but a fight of emotions happening inside. I remember delivering my child and hating it from the moment I saw it. I still feel that it looked like a monster with Patchy skin and really dark skin, on those initial days after birth. I preferred not seeing it on the first three days but I had to for it had to be fed. Noone thought it looked ugly but me. 

As days passed I started liking the monster, since it still belonged to me. The patchy skin gave way to soft fair skin and he turned from being a monster to being my baby. Everyone said that he looked this way from the beginning and they looked down on me when I told them about his previous state of ugliness. My husband took me to a psychotherapist, who told that I suffered from post pregnancy depression known as postpartum depression. She promised that it was common and that it would soon go away.

I remember sitting on the revolving office chair contemplating suicide. I had no reasons for doing so, but I wanted my life to end. I knew it was because of my situation but how can you control the thoughts and shut them down? The battle of the thoughts was won by me, only after giving due weightage to my baby and my family. They are the only reason I am alive.

I remember overhearing Anjali’s mother tell her friend over the phone, that I was a Mad-woman and that I needed to meet some Tantrik. She even thought that I was possessed by the devil himself. It took me one year to be normal again. But more than that, it was the support of my Husband that brought me back.

Now I watch her crying. Should I direct her daughter to an Exorcist?

P.S- Strictly not Fiction. 
P.P.S- Hate myself for not being able to reply to the generous comments i received on my last post. Exams happening. :(
P.P.P.S- I cannot let you all leave my blog without smiling, so here is a click direct from the deep South 

Welcome To Kerala


  1. Well this was a deep post, but knowing it's not fiction had me going.. well I'm at a loss of words, but this is somehow going to remain etched in my mind... The image is funny! :)

  2. Thank you for this Red...I have been there,felt it,lived it and still live with it :-)

    :-D Send me that umbrella no...

  3. This was deep and I was really surprised when I read the post-script note. Truth is stranger than Fiction.

    Thanks for the PPS. It had it's desired effect :)

  4. another post which confirms my belief that females are better at expressing emotions.nicely written

  5. Well written.
    The trouble with situations like this always is someone says something without understanding the whole situation or emotion.

    Sucks to feel that way. I just wish everyone who feels that way finds someone to talk to. :)

  6. where the hell do u come across such people??? Nevertheless, wonderfully written..!

  7. Can relate to this because I have cheek slapped someone who contemplated suicide to dissuade them.

    I love your serious posts as much as your famous Humor posts because they deal with very pertinent issues and the way you describe them has a nice ring to it. Good read this one was.

  8. profound and really strikes a chord with one's heart..
    Its a very sad happen..but then..the society always relishes on gossip and stating things without knowing the reason behind it..hmm..
    Its a good thing she is better now..:)

    owwww..hehehe..that be one funky umberella :D

    cheers..rock thy exams my girl ..:-):-):-):-)

  9. The reality is always stranger than fiction. How in a minute everything shatters. And how people speak without any due respect or knowledge about the other person. India needs more awareness for mental health. Not many people have heard or aware of the actual disorders and they just have one word-MAD which is not true.

    Gee.. law exams.. what can I say GOODLUCK!!!!!

  10. Lovely moving post, especially when it is not fiction.
    And hilarious pic as well!!

  11. It’s not fiction?? I thought so.. I have always believed suicide happens in the spur of the moment, if you somehow battle the moment, you are through with the suicide thoughts and can think normally... If we get a chance to ask ppl who committed suicide if they regretted, many of them will answer in the affirmative..

    Regarding the pic: We know how to utilize our resources very well :D

  12. It's sad to see what depression can do and up to what extent.
    Nevertheless, write up was so apt for such a dark issue.

  13. It was INTENSE.. Talks about two mental states both of which are misunderstood in the society as madness of evil.. Sadly it is the state of all central nervous diseases in our country!

    Although the non fiction part really took me by surprise!

  14. the post moved me, getting rid of depression and controlling the urge of suicide is the real battle for survival.. i knw how the moment feels

    BTW the pic is so natural.. :)

  15. Deep, intense, and thought provoking.
    Loved the way you wrote.

  16. Psychology should be made compulsory education for everyone.

  17. Dark is in these days.....u confirmed my suspicions....:-) LOvely narration..

  18. Hmmm...Nothing is there to say...:)

  19. Its very hard to say something on these kind of situations..hope everything goes fine ..

    stay connected!!!
    its me!!! sharan:)

  20. shit this is true?? :O

    Oh sorry am being silly. Very deep post. Doesnt bode well with me. also, please change the word renounced to renowned in the third para. i am sorry for pointing this but it makes you think its a satire until later.

  21. Now wasn't that beautiful poignant writing. Cheers my girl, you rock! :)

    And lets not get started on what all mallu's can do, we probably need to start of a whole new blog just for that!

  22. Oh, this is so touching. People do not know/care/bother about knowing certain disorders that are common. I battle with depression sometimes, we all do, but no one really gives a damn about until something extreme happens. Good work!

    PS: I think that Umbrella is innovative. :D :D All the Best for you exams! :D

  23. Whoa! non fiction? So sorry to hear that. Poor lady. Btw, that umbrella was just awesome:P

  24. Am so sorry... I knw am late.. But i have been neck deep with loads of stuffs... Now abt the post... There are time when you have so much to say and never manage the right words.. Then there are other times when you are so much amazed that you jus go blank... I am blank here... And the fact that its not entirely a fiction leaves me with jitters.. I ve seen someone close say her experience once.. So this reminded me a lot about her story. Brilliant work red...!! One of your best :) best of luck for your exams..!!

  25. Wow. That was INTENSE.
    I hate this mentality of people who think anybody who is depressed/moody/angry all the time is 'paagal' 'mental' .. That is so ridiculous. And when aunties say such stuff na, about tantrik and all, karma comes right round to bite their ass.
    Sorry if I'm being mean :-s But I think no one should presume and assume and offer such type of free advice. It is sad :(
    Take care Red!

  26. Ouch! I wan't to write a lengthy post but something stops me. Its such a touche to give advice, I don't want to give it to you, I just want to leave this cuteheart blogger's blog who attempted to make us smile with the umbrella giving her a tight-bone-smashing-hug.

  27. It's so hard for us to understand mental disorders that we have no qualms in branding them with the 'mad' tag. Gravely misunderstood, man's mental states are.

    And knowing that it's not fiction, shook me out of a stupor.

  28. @confused soul- first to read! I am grateful :) This post did not receive much readers.
    @The Blunt Blogger- sending might take a lotta time. Y not help u make one :P
    @Raghu- :( Ya
    @Technoflirt- Truth is definitely stranger than fiction.
    @maniac.hunter- I take tht as a compliment :P
    @Srinidhi- Talking helps a lot! I agree!
    @Nirvaan- Know them quite personally :P
    @Atrocious Scribblings- Only 30 ppl read :( WHY WHY WHY
    @Meoww- Anjali isnt fine till now....Yes the Umbrella is awesome no!! :D
    @Sameera- People are too busy in their own life and at pointing fingers on others, that stop thinking logically.MAD is what they call u if u suffer frm a disorder
    @The life-a-holic- Thanks love! :)
    @Binu Thomas- Yes its an act at the spur of the moment. But the act ones done is without redemption.
    @Prateek- Glad that you found this good enough :)
    @Maithili- This is a real incident...people real close to me :) Thanks a lot for reading
    @Kalpak- Thanks :D
    @Bharathi- I too know how tht feels. Thanks a lot for reading :)
    @jojofeelings- Made me smile. Thankyou
    @Jaii Vipra- Definitely! 100%!!!!
    @Rahul- No more dark now :D
    @Saru Singhal- Atleast u read :)
    @sharanjayendra- Yes they constitute some of the worst moments.
    @Freelancer- How cud i ignore the mistake! U r the first one to actually point it out. Thanks a lot man. Mean it!
    @Soumya- Mallus rock!! No? HHHEHEHHHEEH.Thanks :)
    @MSM- Depression in a normal manner is fine. But if it gets out of hand, the entire life is in Danger. Thanks a lot for reading :)
    @Cloud Nine- Thanks lot :)
    @Superrrnickkk- Thanks you o much! I was sad tht noone is reading this post But ur comment was nice :)
    @BlahBlaholic- U werent being rude or means. Karma is the real bitch. Thanks a lot!!!!
    @Crystal- you read it. That is enough. Hugs to u :) Thanksss!
    @PeeVee- Yes this isnt fiction ...regrettably :(

  29. the worst thing that a person can suffer is the helplessness of seeing loved ones suffer at the hands of diseases and ailments-and when the sufferings are of the incurable or unexplained ones, the pain becomes not just for the person but also for all those around!

    a very deep and stirring post...almost disturbing!

  30. This is something you don't get to read too often on blogs. I don't think that it is necessary to announce my views on it..I'd rather say that its great that you shared it with us.
    If you think that everyone else is sane, try to take a look inside their head. Its a wonderful thing that you have the support of someone who brings you back to the "normal" world.

  31. @SURUCHI- Thankyou soooo much Suruchi :)It really is a pain to c ur loved one suffer.
    @Apoyando- This isnt my story but of someone in my family circle. I appreciate tht you found the time to read. Means a lot!

  32. It's saddening to know that this is not just a piece of fiction. And it is difficult for me to comment anything superficial on it.

    Take care!

  33. I think you constructed the whole post pretty well. The words were in order and had deep meaning. I could relate to it well. A well engaged piece :)

  34. Wonderful Post... was touchy whole through going through the emotions of the persons mind. Its not a fiction which makes it so sad... Don know what to say..? Words are failing me :(

  35. Wow, the eeriest thing bout the post ws the line tht it ws nt fiction n a true story...

    Loved the pic.. amazin one.. it can happen only in God's Own Place :)

  36. @Vinati- Thanks a lot for reading girl :)
    @Nia- Generous of you! Thanks!
    @Ravishankar- I am sry if it hurt u! But i am happy that u felt the emotions!
    @R-A-J- Hhehehe Gods own country is the BESHHHT!

  37. @Red: It didn't hurt me.. but the way the post was written was emotional :)

  38. What goes around comes back around : ETERNAL TRUTH.
    God's really quick in judgment lately. he makes us pay for our evil in this world itself.. sooner or later.

    I don't have words to say what this made me feel!

  39. I agree with Defiant Princess "What goes around comes back around"

    Ppl resort to suicide as they see it as a Solution. Thats the main prblm. The entire psyche around Suicide is so interesting. Ppl have the courage to take their lives away but not to face the prblm..!!

  40. Hi Red! This beautiful post of yours inspired me to write this:


Spit It Out I Say !!!