GET FAMOUS OVERNIGHT !!

We all want to be dead famous and filthy rich. Ok stop!! Don’t give me that nasty look and say “I am happy the way I am!”. I know how you hold your hand shower like a mic in the bathroom and act like you are giving a live concert before thousands of your imaginary fans. So here is a guide as to how to become famous without actually being talented. If you are good for nothing, these are your easy ways to achieve fame.

1)   Start a rumour- Go to your local News Channel office and pour down your fake tale as to how a celebrity sexually assaulted you and threatened to kill you. For Boys, you just need to say how awesome the threesome with the celebrity and his girlfriend was. Simple! From local news to National news and you shall be famous! Choice of the celebrity matters. No one gives a damn if you had a threesome with Bobby Darling.

2)  Assassinate someone- Choose the most trending Celebrity or Politician in twitter and plan an assassination. The messier the assassination, the better. Google provides enough information as to how to assassinate someone, and if that isn’t enough, come to mama! Get famous for your notoriety.

3)     Be the Worst at something- Make a video of you doing something which you are pathetic at and upload it on YouTube. People like laughing at your misery and this is the sure path to success. Did you not watch the Fat man dance on the song MY HUMP by FERGIE? If not WATCH IT

4)    Get Naked- Spend some money and go watch a Match live from the stadium. During the half- time break, get naked and shock everyone by running across the stadium. Did anyone even know Poonam Pandey before her broken World Cup promise? Any publicity is good publicity.

5)    Blog- Don’t be a normal blogger like me. Be someone like Govind Tiwari or The Madrasan! You will be famous overnight! I might take a decade or so, to be half as famous as them. 

6)    Fast Unto Death- This is most IN thing right now. Take an issue haunting the society or the country you belong to, find the office of INDIA TV, sit before their office and fast. You are under the threat of dying but even if you do, you will be famous for atleast a day after that.

7)   Psychic Pet- You know the psychic Octopus, don’t you! Get yourself a pet and claim that it has psychic abilities. A simple dog or a cat won’t work. Buy yourself a Cobra or a Sea Lion. Even a Duck will do.

Now that I have enlightened you as to how to be famous overnight, there is no hindrance between you and your dream to get Famous. If you are actually thinking about incorporating any of the above mentioned Means to Success, then GOD SAVE YOU!

P.S- Lame post I know, but remember that I too have the right to be Silly. 

P.P.S-I once had 8 Espressos back to back to win a bet. I hallucinated for three days and everytime i peed the toilet smelled like Barista.
P.P.P.S- Meet RUBY, the Labrador.

Image Courtesy  for the first image- cheezburger.com

OUR MONKEY MAN

Ladeeej and Genthalman! I have nothing to humour you with. My brain has been molested by an ugly dream, which haunted me yesterday night. A dream/nightmare which brought back memories of an incident I am still trying to forget. I cannot tell you about the HAPPENING because it’s very demeaning and makes a complete monkey out of me. But I shall give you a clue.

“HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SLAPPED BY A MONKEY?”

Moving on, did you hear about our cricketer Mr THAPPADKHANEWALA Sreeshanths car? The ARSEWIPE owns a BMW x6 and that is not good enough to reach his ishtandards! The Monkey Man forced the BMW dealership in Kerala to reverse the ‘6’to ‘9’. So now it reads BMW x9.

As a law student I would like to tell him that if BMW was jobless enough to care about your car the way I did and if they ever catch you Red Handed with the Ulta 6, they can sue the devil out of you and your ass will be behind the iron bars.

P.S- I too have the right to bullshit and write posts which should never be published. Happy Birthday to me :D

Imagecourtesy- bollywoodtorrents.com