Thursday 31 March 2011


 My Amma always tells me that no matter how I behave right now and no matter how inexperienced I am when it comes to my cooking skills, I would grow up to be just like her. She has this ‘uniformly used in all argument’ sentence which she showers upon me whenever I argue with her. It goes something like, “When you become a mother and reach my age, you will know”. That dialogue always gives me a tiny prick. I end up spending my night thinking ‘Am I really like my mother?’. I have finally consoled myself with a few reasons as to why I am not like her and why I can never be. If you are jobless and have nothing to do in the world (I would suggest you to count stars than going further) then read on.

Top 5 Reasons as to why I am not like my mother-

1)      Culinary Art- My mother is an excellent cook. Our neighbor Mrs Kukreja used to bring home illogical and sometimes absurd edibles like curd in a huge bowl. She knows that my mother has this strange practice of never returning the plates empty. If I was her, I would return it with some water.
                But when it comes to me, ahem!! I am a great cook when it comes to just making Maggi. My cooking generally ends up producing non-edible substances and products beyond human consumption like BUTTERMILK TEA. You get it when you pour buttermilk instead of milk while making tea because you are too ignorant and stupid to know the difference between milk and buttermilk and continue making it like a nincompoop even when horrible smell continues to fill the kitchen.

2)      Looks- Obviously there is just one you and you look like just you. I do not accept the myth that there are 7 people in this world who look exactly like me. But they say you inherit certain features from your parents. I look nothing like my mother. My mother is this beautiful woman who is fairer than any of those pale anorexic chicks shown on those skin whitening cream advertisements.  She has curly hair and a thunderbolt smile and big hazel eyes. She is an epitome of how a Keralite woman should look like. I look like a hybrid mix of India. The pathetic side flicks, the watermelon face, the non existent nose and the Olive color eyes. Some say I look like a Bengali, some Mumbaite and some even say I resemble a Mongolian. A few good souls tell me that  do look like a Malayali.  I am a reasonably fair girl but I look like a charcoal covered egg when I stand beside my mother. They don’t even accept the fact that she is my mother :(

3)      Character- My mother is a certified Dirt Buster. Pest control authorities would happily give her the post of Manager if she applies. Where there is a tiny dirt spot, or mud or even bacteria which are invisible to the naked eyes but never hers, there you will find her with a mop and a bucket, muttering under her breath to those dirt particles while granting them capital punishment. When it comes to me, I thank my hostel maid for keeping my room non toxic. I have roommates to help me continue with my habits. This roomie of mine had a dead fish in her fish pot for like two months. The other roommate has a junkyard war happening on her study table.

4)      Health Conscious- She wakes up at 6 am and does an hour of Yoga (some shit called the Art of Living propounded by that droopy man called Sri Sri Ravishankar). The yoga is then followed by half an hour of speed walking. She has spent 21 yrs of her life trying to teach me how exercise keeps you fit and fine. I have learnt that fact but I am yet to make use of it. I generally push the mute button inside my head when she gives her yet another dose of ‘importance of exercising’ which usually ends up with the same line ‘Health is wealth’. Procrastination keeps circling my head. I am the one who waits for Shavasan in the yoga class and ends up sleeping till woken up by those OM chants during the end of the OH SO REFRESHING session.

5)      Traditional Approach- Temple every Saturday, early morning bath, praying before starting the vehicle, taking the gods name atleast once in ten minutes, that’s her. When it comes to me I think the Lord might have forgotten that I was his creation had it not been my mother and father taking my name in all their prayers. I am a strange person and totally whacked out sometimes. You tell me a creepy story and you can see me holding to a cross (bought from Jerusalem by someone who knows me too well) and saying Rama Rama. I look for double protection you see. If Jesus isn’t free, Lord Rama would be.

My mother is everything I should be, but sadly I can never be. She has been a perfect daughter, a perfect sister, a perfect wife, a perfect mother and a perfect person. I just try to be. Isn’t that enough?  



  1. You get it when you pour buttermilk instead of milk while making tea because you are too ignorant and stupid to know the difference between milk and buttermilk and continue making it like a nincompoop even when horrible smell continues to fill the kitchen.

    this is the best line i hav read in ur entire blog... hehehe... tats really funny...n well written.... :)

    n hey.. tats a really good in an old 80's movie...hehe..

  2. Heh thnku!! Tht was a quick comment!! Happy!
    Tht pic is 21 yrs old..and snapped out of my first birthday video.Thats the reason behind it not being clear :P

  3. Hi RH,

    Let me begin by commenting on the photo. Will your teall your Amma she looks sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo beautifu!!!! You rolly polly cutie pie, I am sure you have grown up into a beautiful girl too.

    ok, now coming to the other bits of the post. RH, be kind to yourself. Dont put yourself down. I am sure you are as gorgeous and perfect as your Amma is.

    Ayyo paavam, charcoal covered egg?? Dont be too harsh to yourself.

    And oh, the buttermilk tea - adipoli!!!

  4. Hey Red,

    Hilarious!!! nw I'm glad that I am not alone..thr r equally bad cooks as I am out der in blogspace :P

    Awesum post, Red!!!

    n very cute pic :D

  5. @AH- heh thnku for reading!! Well i find her very pretty and i cannot match her no matter wht. I am not putting myself down. I am pretty too :P but she is she swan n i am the plain duck.

    @R-A-J-heh thnku again!! And i can beat you or anyone when it comes to my cooking. But my mother keeps telling me that i wud b an excellent cook coz she too was like me. Duh!

    Raghu- hehe happy tht you found it funny :P

  6. Nice :-) ....btw, i too suffer from a similar case like yours when it comes to looks. I look anything but a north Indian...according to some I look like a tamilian, a manipuri, a nepali, a marathi...but not a dilli wali!!!! :-)

    enjoyed ur post!!!

  7. This is cool, nice picture. Indeed there is a time when we all have to differentiate ourselves with our parents.

  8. @Anulal- Hah!! Thnku for reading :D

  9. Absolutely right red! How much ever we try, we end up as cheap fakes of mothers if we try to emulate them. So, better be yourself and excel in what you do best- sleep, pray with a cross, keep a dead fish in your room for ages and be happy with your looks- Aishwarya Rai is not to scale:P

  10. Awesummmmmmmmmmmmmm...As usual you write too good to be judged i am just left speechless after every write-up of yours :)

    This one is a great tribute to dear mother :)..I liked the part which said "I look for double protection you see. If Jesus isn’t free, Lord Rama would be."

    No one can be a copy of someone else..chahe woh ma hi kyun na ho..Yeah you can be similar though :)
    Hey but how would we know as you have just told about the differences there can be more similarities than dissimilarities.. :P

  11. Thats such a sweet picture! Your mom is really pretty!
    You know..we may not know it and we may not accept it. But we are like our parents in one way or the other. Not in every sense though! You're different and thats something to be appreciated!

  12. @Cloudnine- haha thnku for reading! Well i am miles away frm my mother so its even more difficult for me to be like my mom.obviously the values our parents taught remain thr!

    @Alcina- ur just appreciating my writing too much my love. :D i cnt write poems or anything like u do. I dnt even want to try. I just write the way i talk .:p happy tht sumone likes tht.

    @ash89- thnx for reading girl!! Yeh my mom is very pretty. I am those ugly ducklings with a swan mother..pwahha..yeh i am pushing it way too high. Yes thr r more similarities i accept but u gotta dig in deep to find them.

  13. Waking up at 6am for yoga! Oh god I have had my mother eat my bones and not let me sleep late on the few days I would get the opportunity to! Mothers do things normal human beings can never do! Awesome post! Sorry for the late read =)

  14. @psychopneuma- Heh late comments doesnt matter. Atleast you read it :P

  15. you have such a red blog..I like.....


    please enter my international summer accessories ends on the 8th of april

    all the best!

  16. I just loved your post. Hilarious and so true when it comes to today's daughters (to which I too belong)

  17. @redhanded
    Of course i would read it! wouldn't miss an amazing post! =D

  18. such a cute post!
    mothers are always perfect i guess
    though i look exactly like mine. (or so i'm told)

  19. Rib tickling as ever. This is so similar to stuff my sister says all the time :-).

    Btw Red, When are you gonna come out with a novel or something? Your sarcasm tipped humorous writing might just make your creations reach the bestseller lists (and probably give you a "double protection" in case of professions too).

  20. Wow You are NOT kidding, your mom is REALLY beautiful :)

  21. If Jesus isn’t free, Lord Rama would be. BEST LINE

  22. If Jesus isn’t free, Lord Rama would be.

    so funny!!!

  23. Hahahaha. I was ROFLing at office desk while reading this post.
    Double protection thing was the best, followed by the cooking skills :P

  24. Beautiful and believe we can't compare ourselves with our parents. They are the best and they will be the best! Overall lovely and nice post :) btw I also joined The art of living course by sri sri Ravishankar :)


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